I got a little trip to the ass-kick-atorium by 3 people about my last post: my mom, David, and Cristy. After contemplating their words I'm ready to quit bitchin', accept what God has given me, and move forward. So today I'm going to take my son for a walk around the park, proudly wear my best-fitting inbetween jeans, do my hair, wear a shirt that looks good on my body type, put on some funky jewelry, not eat more than one piece of Halloween candy, and make the best of it. I'm going to keep working toward my goal but also celebrate how far I have come and be grateful. And I'm done comparing. Tell me if you see me doing it. I have great eyes, hair, waistline, boobs, and legs. It's time to start focusing on those things and forgeting about the rest!
And by the way I'm moving my goal of being in the 120's back to March. And if it doesn't happen by March I'm letting it go for good. I've put so much pressure on myself the past few weeks because I stupidly set the deadline at the 1st Birthday mark. So my body takes longer to lose weight than most. Who really cares besides me? It's all becoming too much of a distraction to my true mission right now: to be present and love a little boy that probably likes it more that his mommy has a little chin fat to grab and shake. :) So new plan is 129.5 by my sister-in-law Callie's wedding on March 15th. That would be one year from when I started working out again anyway. And in the big scheme of things---not that bad. Sorry for my obsessive nature about this whole topic. I really am working to move past it and hope for baby #2 I have a much better perspective.
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
Monday, October 29, 2007
Weight Loss Update
Here's the only picture I've allowed myself to be in as of late. Getting closer...although I'm stuck again at 136.5. So sad. I've thought about doing something extreme before Tommy's Birthday like not eating carbs or fat, but I know I can't maintain that and will feel like crap for the next few weeks. And so I continue my quest to be balanced and reasonable and lose exactly 7 more pounds to be back in the 120's. Funny how it only took me about 2 weeks to put on 7 pounds while I was pregnant, and it will probably take me 4 MONTHS to get it off now. And PS-I'm kind of pissed lately at all of you ladies who gain weight in your legs and arse but not on top. I'd rather have a huge butt than gain all my extra weight in my face, arms, and boobs. If anyone wants to trade just let me know. At least you bottom heavy people can take good pictures even when you are at your worst. Jackasses.
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
Are You a Blog Slut?
This is a little shout out to my buddy Amy who apparently NEVER posts blog comments. I thought maybe a personal tribute to both Amy and her crush, Ryan Gosling, might force her to move her mouse to the comment link. I also have to admit that I find Ryan Gosling VERY attractive. He looks just like David, don't you think? :) If you, like Amy, are just using me for my musings but never post comments consider yourself a blog slut. Don't deny it. You come to this site, read all the thoughts of my imagination, but don't commit to really help me on my questions and therefore are just using me. I'm not fond of being an indirect pimp.
Thursday, October 18, 2007
Question
If you have to pin your son down with both arms and then wrestle him until you are dripping sweat while saying, "You WILL be a lion for tonight's party!" does it ruin the spirit of wearing a costume? Happy Halloween!
Monday, October 08, 2007
Confessions of an Average Woman
I watched a so-so movie called 'Catch and Release' a few weeks back. The storyline and acting were lame, but the music and setting was great. There is also one scene that has stuck with me. Jennifer Garner admits to all the bad things she has done that no one knows about, like stealing library books. I think my confession list would look something like this:
1. Sometimes even when I smell a poopy diaper I pretend like I don't so David will have to change it.
2. I have a secret addiction to buying mid-sized bags. Not purses, but mountain-type day packs.
3. I'm starting to come to terms with the fact that I got the wrong Master's Degree. I should have gone to art school and done creative writing. I am afraid to tell my husband and parents (who helped us pay for the counseling degree) that I look at the Kansas City Art Institute website drooling about once a week.
4. I think I might end up being an Episcopalian even after making fun of my parents and grandparents about their faith being boring for the past 10 years. I confess that I now love the tradition of the Epsicopal Church and David does too.
5. I have little white-head zits all over my arms that I pop before I go to bed.
6. I've lied about my weight on my driver's license in 3 different states: Kansas, Texas, and Colorado.
7. Everytime I bake something I say it is for David but really it is so I can lick the bowl.
8. I'm almost always 10 minutes late to kickboxing with my mom. As I walk in I usually mutter something about Thomas not getting his nap or fighting getting dressed to come, but really I am late because the class is too hard for me and I'm embarassed that my mom is in better shape than I am.
9. In 6th grade I lied and said that I didn't call Adam Carey a "penis wrinkle" on the playground, but I actually did.
10. Also in 6th Grade (bad year) I skimmed a book in the car on the way to school at least 5 times and added it to my reading list so I could beat Katie F. in the "Most Read Books" contest.
11. I've always wanted to smoke pot and even confessed this to David and friend Kari when I was on painkillers one time.
12. Sometimes I wonder if I was/am too young and selfish to have a baby.
13. Sometimes I don't want to have any more babies because I don't want to go through the whole weight-gain/loss thing again.
14. There is a woman in our church that I can't stand. She bugs the hell out of me. I avoid her at all costs, but when I got trapped by her last week she told me we looked more rested as a family, held up her hands, and said "Praise God." I didn't know we were tired.
15. This is one of David's (I don't think he reads this so we'll see if he minds). David used to plot to kill our old neighbors in Denver. He literally would think of ways to kill them (such as poison) because they were so annoying to him.
1. Sometimes even when I smell a poopy diaper I pretend like I don't so David will have to change it.
2. I have a secret addiction to buying mid-sized bags. Not purses, but mountain-type day packs.
3. I'm starting to come to terms with the fact that I got the wrong Master's Degree. I should have gone to art school and done creative writing. I am afraid to tell my husband and parents (who helped us pay for the counseling degree) that I look at the Kansas City Art Institute website drooling about once a week.
4. I think I might end up being an Episcopalian even after making fun of my parents and grandparents about their faith being boring for the past 10 years. I confess that I now love the tradition of the Epsicopal Church and David does too.
5. I have little white-head zits all over my arms that I pop before I go to bed.
6. I've lied about my weight on my driver's license in 3 different states: Kansas, Texas, and Colorado.
7. Everytime I bake something I say it is for David but really it is so I can lick the bowl.
8. I'm almost always 10 minutes late to kickboxing with my mom. As I walk in I usually mutter something about Thomas not getting his nap or fighting getting dressed to come, but really I am late because the class is too hard for me and I'm embarassed that my mom is in better shape than I am.
9. In 6th grade I lied and said that I didn't call Adam Carey a "penis wrinkle" on the playground, but I actually did.
10. Also in 6th Grade (bad year) I skimmed a book in the car on the way to school at least 5 times and added it to my reading list so I could beat Katie F. in the "Most Read Books" contest.
11. I've always wanted to smoke pot and even confessed this to David and friend Kari when I was on painkillers one time.
12. Sometimes I wonder if I was/am too young and selfish to have a baby.
13. Sometimes I don't want to have any more babies because I don't want to go through the whole weight-gain/loss thing again.
14. There is a woman in our church that I can't stand. She bugs the hell out of me. I avoid her at all costs, but when I got trapped by her last week she told me we looked more rested as a family, held up her hands, and said "Praise God." I didn't know we were tired.
15. This is one of David's (I don't think he reads this so we'll see if he minds). David used to plot to kill our old neighbors in Denver. He literally would think of ways to kill them (such as poison) because they were so annoying to him.
Wednesday, October 03, 2007
Five Big Mistakes...Still Inspired?
A few people have told me recently that my blog is inspirational to them. I have a love/hate relationship with this idea. I love it because I need quite a bit of inspiration in my life and am glad I can provide that for others. I hate it because after you hear about the past 12 hours you may not be inspired anymore.
6pm: It is decided that Thomas and I will not be going to the cabin with my parents for the rest of the week because T has a fever and bad poops. I am disappointed to not have the chance to get away and breathe the Colorado Fall air for a few days. Due to this disappointment (I think) I decide to make brownies (really for David, right?) and decide that because I did so well at WW this week I can have a few licks of the batter without writing down my points. A few licks turns into many licks and suddenly I realize that I've eaten 10 points worth of brownie mix, which is almost half of my daily point allowance. Crap.
Licks= Big mistake #1.
1:30am: Thomas is up with his teeth hurting and the brownies allure me toward them asking me to just take a nibble. A few bites as I make a bottle and find the Tylenol leave me feeling wired as I try to fall back asleep.
Nibbles=Big Mistake #2.
4:30am: Thomas and I decide to get up for the day after several off and on attempts to get back to sleep. I am hungry and frankly don't see another option than the brownies. One more 2 inch square in the belly. Thomas and I do the laundry together and I cuss 31 times in a row after realizing I put my only well-fitting bra in the dryer. Yes, there is a strong possibilty that my son's first word could be "CrapBag." Not getting out cereal,
Cussing=Big Mistake #3
As I am doing the dishes from last night I see a poof of yellow dust out of the corner of my eye. My little engineer has figured out how to open dry mustard and has spilled it all over the carpet. He is laughing at the magical fairy dust on his clothes, but I say a few more crapbags as I go get the vacuum. I also decide to write a mean note to my husband telling him to do his own dang dishes at night and to please take the brownies to school with him, as if it is his fault I've eaten so many. The Costco box of mix, the brownies themselves, and the note are set on the stairs where he will see them promptly upon awaking.
Mean note, leaving the mustard out, and buying the never-ending box of brownie mix in the first place=Big Mistake #4
At this point I'm feeling like poo about myself and drink some water and decide to go for a walk to try and rectify the brownie situation. I evaluate the status of the strollers since Baby Tom is still crawling around in circles at a high rate of speed on search and destroy missions. We have THREE strollers. ONE baby. THREE strollers. None of them are available for a morning stroll. Stroller #1 has a flat tire. Stroller #2 is in the trunk of my car, a vehicle to which the keys cannot be found. Stroller #3 is at my parents' house. I go find the hiking backpack and put the squirmy little monkey in it as we head out the door.
No organization regarding strollers or keys=Big Mistake #5
It is 5:30am, and knowing that sometimes other people with kids are also up at these strange hours I decide to walk by all my friends' houses. I need another woman to dwell in my woes with me. There are lights on at Angie's and Tiffany's from church, but I decide I don't really know them well enough to knock on their doors so early. I trek on to Allison's as Thomas pulls my hair over and over again squealing at the top of his lungs to wake the entire neighborhood up. On the way to Cloudville I start to get very tired and overwhelmed by the hair pulling and exhaustion from running only on brownie fuel. I decide that since it is almost 6:00 it's ok to knock on Allison's door and tell her what a terrible person I am for eating so many 2 inch chocolate squares. But as I walk up to her house and there are no lights on I am confronted by the idea of Kevin in his underwear as well as the fact that Allison has 3 kids and is thinner and more organized than me with one kid. I've climbed into bed with Al in the past but probably shouldn't do so with her husband in the bed and a backpack/baby on my back. I decide against waking up all the villagers in Cloudville and press onward around the corner. The last person I know on the route is my friend from 8th grade basketball who doesn't have any kids. Since I have only seen her at the grocery store a few times since moving back to the area, I decide waking her up is not an option.
When we get home I am relieved to see that David is still in bed, and I cross out the mean part of my note about the dishes. I keep the part about taking the brownies away and add some Oreos to the pile that I know will be my next temptation. I resolve to go to the grocery store this morning and stock up on healthy options. I post this blog, realize it's not too late to start my day over, and go back to bed, hoping for a fresh start around 8 or 9am. Goodnight.
6pm: It is decided that Thomas and I will not be going to the cabin with my parents for the rest of the week because T has a fever and bad poops. I am disappointed to not have the chance to get away and breathe the Colorado Fall air for a few days. Due to this disappointment (I think) I decide to make brownies (really for David, right?) and decide that because I did so well at WW this week I can have a few licks of the batter without writing down my points. A few licks turns into many licks and suddenly I realize that I've eaten 10 points worth of brownie mix, which is almost half of my daily point allowance. Crap.
Licks= Big mistake #1.
1:30am: Thomas is up with his teeth hurting and the brownies allure me toward them asking me to just take a nibble. A few bites as I make a bottle and find the Tylenol leave me feeling wired as I try to fall back asleep.
Nibbles=Big Mistake #2.
4:30am: Thomas and I decide to get up for the day after several off and on attempts to get back to sleep. I am hungry and frankly don't see another option than the brownies. One more 2 inch square in the belly. Thomas and I do the laundry together and I cuss 31 times in a row after realizing I put my only well-fitting bra in the dryer. Yes, there is a strong possibilty that my son's first word could be "CrapBag." Not getting out cereal,
Cussing=Big Mistake #3
As I am doing the dishes from last night I see a poof of yellow dust out of the corner of my eye. My little engineer has figured out how to open dry mustard and has spilled it all over the carpet. He is laughing at the magical fairy dust on his clothes, but I say a few more crapbags as I go get the vacuum. I also decide to write a mean note to my husband telling him to do his own dang dishes at night and to please take the brownies to school with him, as if it is his fault I've eaten so many. The Costco box of mix, the brownies themselves, and the note are set on the stairs where he will see them promptly upon awaking.
Mean note, leaving the mustard out, and buying the never-ending box of brownie mix in the first place=Big Mistake #4
At this point I'm feeling like poo about myself and drink some water and decide to go for a walk to try and rectify the brownie situation. I evaluate the status of the strollers since Baby Tom is still crawling around in circles at a high rate of speed on search and destroy missions. We have THREE strollers. ONE baby. THREE strollers. None of them are available for a morning stroll. Stroller #1 has a flat tire. Stroller #2 is in the trunk of my car, a vehicle to which the keys cannot be found. Stroller #3 is at my parents' house. I go find the hiking backpack and put the squirmy little monkey in it as we head out the door.
No organization regarding strollers or keys=Big Mistake #5
It is 5:30am, and knowing that sometimes other people with kids are also up at these strange hours I decide to walk by all my friends' houses. I need another woman to dwell in my woes with me. There are lights on at Angie's and Tiffany's from church, but I decide I don't really know them well enough to knock on their doors so early. I trek on to Allison's as Thomas pulls my hair over and over again squealing at the top of his lungs to wake the entire neighborhood up. On the way to Cloudville I start to get very tired and overwhelmed by the hair pulling and exhaustion from running only on brownie fuel. I decide that since it is almost 6:00 it's ok to knock on Allison's door and tell her what a terrible person I am for eating so many 2 inch chocolate squares. But as I walk up to her house and there are no lights on I am confronted by the idea of Kevin in his underwear as well as the fact that Allison has 3 kids and is thinner and more organized than me with one kid. I've climbed into bed with Al in the past but probably shouldn't do so with her husband in the bed and a backpack/baby on my back. I decide against waking up all the villagers in Cloudville and press onward around the corner. The last person I know on the route is my friend from 8th grade basketball who doesn't have any kids. Since I have only seen her at the grocery store a few times since moving back to the area, I decide waking her up is not an option.
When we get home I am relieved to see that David is still in bed, and I cross out the mean part of my note about the dishes. I keep the part about taking the brownies away and add some Oreos to the pile that I know will be my next temptation. I resolve to go to the grocery store this morning and stock up on healthy options. I post this blog, realize it's not too late to start my day over, and go back to bed, hoping for a fresh start around 8 or 9am. Goodnight.
Tuesday, October 02, 2007
Skinny Jeans Here I Come!
I just got back from my Weight Watchers meeting and lost 3 pounds! Yahoo!! So this means 4 pounds down and 6 to go until the potential pre-pregnancy jeans fit. I only have 6 more weeks until Thomas' First Birthday, so I'm hoping for at least pound a week. If anyone wants a box of Costo brownies that have been a huge distraction for me, let me know. A brownie is 5 points!
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