She Was Almost Back.

I had a big scare this morning when I woke up and puked all over the shower. Even though logically I knew pregnancy was not possible (I had a period 2 weeks ago, we use dual protection, and we haven't exactly put too many cookies in the cookie jar since starting school), my mind still went straight to the thought. Thinking about being pregnant again brought a large range of emotions for me. Part of me was excited at the possibility of holding a tiny baby again and watching he or she grow as Thomas has this year. The other part of me was thinking the following thoughts:

"Ok now I officially remember what I felt like every day of my early pregnancy except since I never actually puked (just felt sick all the time) I never got the feeling of relief after it happened."

"I really want Jolly Ranchers to "settle" my stomach. Wait sugar is why you gained so much weight the first time."

"How would I ever take care of myself AND a very busy 14 month-old?"

"SH*&! I still have at least 3 pounds to lose before getting really fat again!"

"I'm going to look like a lard in Callie's wedding just like I did in Julie's!"

And finally, "David is going to FREAK out because if we deliver a baby before January 1, 2009 our insurance won't cover it."

So, while I know women have babies closer than 2 years apart all the time, I was grateful today when I puked for the second time all over the bathroom floor at my school and came down with a fever. I've never considered the stomach flu a blessing. I know now I'm not quite ready to go back to the dark side.

Big Bark, Small Bite

I was so excited last week to begin taking classes toward my Elementary Education certificate, which will allow me to counsel in the schools. I'm still very excited to have something outside the home, but I think I may have been a big talker about wanting time away from Thomas when in reality I'm becoming a softy. Thomas is going to an excellent school right by our house two mornings a week and has done terribly with the transition. This morning we both ended up crying in the director's office not wanting to leave each other. I guess I am learning that no matter how ambitious you are, how good it is for you to work outside the home, and how great you think school will be for your child it's still the hardest thing ever to leave your baby. I didn't know I had such strong mommy heartstrings!

New Year's Resolutions

I'm always one to ease into transitions, including the new year. It takes me a few weeks to get my feet on the ground and in a new schedule before settling into a rhythm. I always have to think about what my resolutions are going to be for a few weeks too. In grad. school we had to pick one thing to work on/practice/learn about and design a learning contract. I'll let you know if I unpack these further in that way as we go along. So here we go:

1. Be less judgmental about how other people spend money, especially extremely wealthy people.

2. Get up every week day by 6:30am.

3. Choose not to feel guilty about adding the career piece of myself back into my life.

4. Go on more cultural dates with my husband.

5. Take pictures that help me create a story through writing.

6. When I have the choice, make the more simple decision 60% of the time.

My fruit of the spirit that I am going to focus on/read about/try to live out this year is faithfulness. Now that I've stated all of these to blog readers, I better get busy and go to bed.

Update.

This check-in is going to be in bullet format, just like my dad writes letters.
1. Christmas: All the traveling went well. We were sick before and after. Thomas' favorite present was a ping-pong ball to put in his mouth (the whole thing). He also got a tricycle and a wagon he likes quite a bit. He isn't into wrapping paper at all yet, but he is really into babies. He met David's newborn cousin in Houston and has been going up to babies ever since. David says this means he needs a sibling. I like to tell Callie it means he needs a cousin. The trip only had one disagreement with the in-laws. Again, progress.

2. Weight-loss: Status quo. No ups or downs during the holidays. I'm going to Jazzercize 3x/week and using a new software I like called Calorie King. Holding steady for now...still hoping to lose a little more by Callie's wedding in March.

3. Career: I start my classes next week. I'm excited because getting this particular certificate will allow me to counsel in the school districts. I'm not sure how long it will take me to finish up, but at least I'm working toward a goal. My brother Paul was transfered home over the break, and I've been working for him. He and my dad have to give gifts once a month to all their clients, so I put those together for them. In fact, let's take a little poll: What are some of the best gifts in the $25-30 range you have received? I'm looking for thoughtful, unique ideas that are easy to ship.

4. Marriage: David and I are going to Chicago this weekend. It will be the first time we leave Thomas for more than a night. We are so excited to get away. I realized over the break that I/We have never really grieved the loss of our freedom since becoming parents. We've both been afraid to admit that not being able to travel and do whatever we want to anymore is tough. With David home this month I have tasted the sweetness of saying, "I'm going shopping" and leaving...not having to plan it out and get a sitter and think about nap times. Maybe I am more selfish than most, but I've really missed that lately.

5. Church/God/Politics: We are still working on this. We want to make sure before jumping into another church that we know what we are looking for and what we believe. Our latest disagreement with the conservative right has been the role of women in ministry. The more I read scripture, the more I am seeing that men and women should be on equal ground. Many have asked me if I will be voting for Senator Clinton. My answer is absolutely yes IF Obama doesn't get the nomination. I like HIlary's platform, I like that she is a woman, I'm just not sure she is the RIGHT woman for the job.

6. Crushes: I'm still pretty hot on Ryan Gosling, although David got this new haircut that has been quite the head-turner lately.

7. Reading/Books: Just finished 'Shop Girl' by Steve Martin. Pretty good. Definitely entertaining. Also read 'Irresistible Revolution' by Shane Clairborne. Pretty amazing stories on social justice. Now starting 'Lovely Bones.' Kind of freaky at night.

More later...