We attended our church marriage retreat this weekend, and I've spent the past few hours reflecting (while also feeding T, folding clothes, and watching 'Troop Beverly Hills' and 'School of Rock) on some of the things the speaker in our videos said. See what you think about the following stuff and post a comment.
1. Mutual submission---The speaker said that if one spouse chooses to simply submit to the other and "cast their anxieties on God" as they wait for the other person to start submitting as well then things will eventually work out "in due time." I agree with this in theory but only if the other person shows at least small signs of willingness to grow/work on themselves/submit too. It also would only work if both people are physically and emotionally safe in the relationship. If there is any piece of either partner that is unsafe then much more would need to be done in addition to "casting anxieties on God" including setting boundaries. All in all, I think submission only works if it is 100% mutual. Otherwise, one partner loses themselves as they struggle to love and serve someone that continues to hurt them. I just don't think my divorced friends who gave their husbands or wives years of "due time" waiting for them to submit in return would buy the whole idea that it would eventually work out if they kept on waiting in an emotionally unsafe relationship.
2. The speaker said God cares about all of our desires. I agree. BUT God also wants our hearts to beat like His, and He doesn't show any evidence in His Word of wanting some of the things I want. For example, if my greatest desire is a million dollar home (which it isn't---I can't even keep our current home clean) I can pray and pray and pray for God to give it to me, but I don't think million dollar homes are something His heart beats for.
3. David and I have come to the conclusion recently that marriage is kind of a crap shoot. Some marriages work and some simply don't. We got married really young before we knew each other or ourselves and got lucky. Lucky meaning that we were both willing to go through the ringer for a few years to figure a bunch of stuff out about each other and ourselves. It wasn't pretty (and still isn't some of the time) but we were both WILLING to do it. The crap shoot is taking the chance that the other is willing to work on themselves and that you have the courage to look at yourself and see your own shit and fix it. I don't think God loves us any more because our marriage happens to work than our friends whose marriages didn't work out.
This is my longest post ever. What do you all think?
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3 comments:
Tony thinks you, Adrienne, should take heed and submit. I think Tony should take heed and shove it. : )
Would an example of this be a recent conversation that Philip and I had... I chose not to take his last name, for no reason better than it was too similar to the one I already had, Wilson/Richardson.... We thought maybe it would be best to combine the two and change our last names completely and become the Wichardsons. I think this would be mutual submission to the greater dorkiness...
Thanks for the thoughts, Ju and Care. As someone that life has dealt two pretty horrible last names, I can support the Wichardson plan. At least it is easy to spell unlike Dreher or Lisenby.
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