Confessions of an Average Woman

I watched a so-so movie called 'Catch and Release' a few weeks back. The storyline and acting were lame, but the music and setting was great. There is also one scene that has stuck with me. Jennifer Garner admits to all the bad things she has done that no one knows about, like stealing library books. I think my confession list would look something like this:

1. Sometimes even when I smell a poopy diaper I pretend like I don't so David will have to change it.

2. I have a secret addiction to buying mid-sized bags. Not purses, but mountain-type day packs.

3. I'm starting to come to terms with the fact that I got the wrong Master's Degree. I should have gone to art school and done creative writing. I am afraid to tell my husband and parents (who helped us pay for the counseling degree) that I look at the Kansas City Art Institute website drooling about once a week.

4. I think I might end up being an Episcopalian even after making fun of my parents and grandparents about their faith being boring for the past 10 years. I confess that I now love the tradition of the Epsicopal Church and David does too.

5. I have little white-head zits all over my arms that I pop before I go to bed.

6. I've lied about my weight on my driver's license in 3 different states: Kansas, Texas, and Colorado.

7. Everytime I bake something I say it is for David but really it is so I can lick the bowl.

8. I'm almost always 10 minutes late to kickboxing with my mom. As I walk in I usually mutter something about Thomas not getting his nap or fighting getting dressed to come, but really I am late because the class is too hard for me and I'm embarassed that my mom is in better shape than I am.

9. In 6th grade I lied and said that I didn't call Adam Carey a "penis wrinkle" on the playground, but I actually did.

10. Also in 6th Grade (bad year) I skimmed a book in the car on the way to school at least 5 times and added it to my reading list so I could beat Katie F. in the "Most Read Books" contest.

11. I've always wanted to smoke pot and even confessed this to David and friend Kari when I was on painkillers one time.

12. Sometimes I wonder if I was/am too young and selfish to have a baby.

13. Sometimes I don't want to have any more babies because I don't want to go through the whole weight-gain/loss thing again.

14. There is a woman in our church that I can't stand. She bugs the hell out of me. I avoid her at all costs, but when I got trapped by her last week she told me we looked more rested as a family, held up her hands, and said "Praise God." I didn't know we were tired.

15. This is one of David's (I don't think he reads this so we'll see if he minds). David used to plot to kill our old neighbors in Denver. He literally would think of ways to kill them (such as poison) because they were so annoying to him.