5 Years...

Last Friday night David and I celebrated our 5th Wedding Anniversary. We are relieved to have this much time under our belts and look forward to the growth and celebrations that will happen in the next 5 years. There is a certain peace we both have now, knowing that David is the exact right man for me, and I am the exact right woman for him. It took 2-3 years to get that part down. Now we can move on to easier tweaking, like how to fight fairly, how to know each other, and how to truly love the other person in the ways they need to be loved. For those of you that haven't known us through the 5 years we've been together our road has not been very easy. In fact, I'm still pretty surprised we made it 3 years. A friend of mine recently described her first 2 years of marriage as "Bliss." Our description? "Hell." But even with that I am more convinced than ever that God put us together to refine us both and to show us His love. I am WAY more in love with my husband today than I was on our wedding day. We can now look at each other and confidently say, "We have a good marriage. I'm glad I married you."

Here are a few things we are currently working on:

1. Not going to our shutdown modes when we get angry. My mode is to get more angry. David's is to fall silent. (Which makes me more angry). I have really worked for 2 years or so about my upper limit of anger and not going beyond it.

2. Re-Defining our beliefs in God/Christianity. Our beliefs have changed a ton since we met in the ultra-evangelical, conservative, black and white world of Wilderness Ranch. We are editing through and trying to keep the good but toss out the bad.

3. David needs to be loved through doing things together. I need to be loved through connecting on an emotional level. SO, I need to go for more runs with him, but he is trying to sit down and talk with me. The perfect combo for us? A walk with a talk.

4. More cultural dates---also a New Year's Resolution for me. We want to be out of our bubble as often as we can. Right now we are committing to at least once a month leaving our suburb. We go to the art museum, to Chicago, to an authentic restaurant, to a cultural movie, to a festival, etc.

5. Separating from our families of origin. I know, I know, it seems like we should be over this by now, but especially with David's family it has been really difficult to break away in healthy ways and become our own unit. My family tends to push us out of the nest (in a good way). David's family would love it if we lived in the same nest as they do, had the same faith and political views they do, dressed the same way they do, and really valued money like they do. Now you can see why it's been a little tricky. And no, none of them read this blog. Don't worry. My big challenge has been how to honor them but be my own person. David's challenge is a lot more complicated than that.

I'd love to hear about your marriages either via comments or e-mail. It is always so encouraging to me to talk directly about what other couples are working on. Here's to 5 more years!