Dear Other Moms and Flip-Flops and Chocolate Members:
Is it possible to start the terrible twos at 15 months? Little Thomas is having huge tantrums lately. I mean like throwing himself down on the floor and pounding his fists and legs kind of tantrums. I can't figure out if it is because he doesn't feel well, isn't eating enough, is tired, or is just starting to assert his independence more and more. This morning at the doctor's office a nurse said hi to him and he freaked out. His separation anxiety in public places is sky high right now. Any suggestions? I knew the little guy had a tendency toward the dramatic like his mother, but this is a little crazy. He is only happy eating goldfish while he watches Barney. Just a phase? And when does being up all night when he is teething stop? Other than this the kid is perfect, of course. I guess one other dramatic thing he does that is funny is say MMmmmm the whole time he is eating his fish. It's like he is telling me, "Mom, these fish are the greatest thing on earth. Thank you so much!" I know I am his first teacher, but how do you teach a one year old to take a chill pill when he gets pissed?
Sincerely,
Strung Out Mother of One
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4 comments:
Advice? I got nothin'. All I can say is just as I benefited by entering marriage a few years behind you and learniing from your experiences, so it will be with children! Don't forget what you learn - write it down and save it for me!
Now, when it comes to three years and up I'll comment on what I've learned from the 50 children under our care here!!
Yeah, by the way - terrible twos is a phase from age 1-3. "2" being the average, I guess. Separation anxiety...I've got a drama little mama with my first one, so we've been through all of this!! I have to say - DO NOT stop leaving him, even if its hard. Learning to say goodbye is definitely a skill that can be learned in a relatively short amount of time - especially if he's with a good caregiver, which I'm sure he is. And my advice on tantrums - start by ignoring. This works for some people. Not for us. Tantrums got so horrific around here we had to start punishing early for tantrums. Learning to deal with explosive emotions was NOT something that turned out to be relatively easy to learn. But its soooo worth it. We were just talking this week how much we LOVE age 3! We can finally enter public again! Hang in there! I love this racy blog.
I feel you on the confusion of how to handle tantrums so young. Mia Grace has NO seperation anxiety at all, and I mean, at all. But, I get the feeling that some of her tantrums are from extreme independece and frustration over communication. I have to say, we haven't been that successful. Ignoring has worked on occassion, but we are around the grandparents so much that this is hard. Especially with the MIL. It's drives me a little crazy because I am trying to work on remaining calm during these episodes, especially out in public. I dont want Mia to get what she wants when acting this way. For instance, sitting in her high chair. If its just me and a friend or something she will sit for a long time and be perfectly content. If we are out with the MIL and FIL she will throw a hissy ... throwing her body backwards, etc. and my MIL automatically goes into "sh sh sh sh, ooohhhh its ok ... blah blah blah" Her anxiety sky rockets bc Mia is crying. I think it makes it worse and eventually she gets to get out of her seat bc I realize that even if its best to not allow her to get what she wants, I can't have her disturbing everyone in the restaurants meal. So, ignoring sometimes works for me, but I have been experimenting with time out a little lately. Sounds crazy I know, but it helps me stay rational, bc I get a little heated and frustrated and I dont think that is the answer. Time out has worked I think at home when she throws a fit over not getting what she wants or being told No. She freaks out way more, when I sit her in the corner (laying on the ground bawling) BUT the tone in her cry changes. A normal tantrum is because as you said, she is pissed. Its more of a yell. When I then pick her up without saying a word and seperate her basically. (I just sit her across the room facing the wall) she really freaks out, but its more of a sad cry (like really upset I want you mommy cry). I would be lying if I said it doesn't break my heart but I think its effective. I think her tone changes bc she realizes its unacceptable and then her feelings are hurt. Anyway, I leave her there for a minute or so. You would think being only 14 months she would not understand and not sit still, but she really does. I think she is so distraught that she got removed that she just gets limp and lays there. Of course I always go over and scoop her up after a minute or so and tell her that that behavior isn't acceptable and she sucks it up. I have noticed a little change with this. (I've only done it like three times). I dont think ignoring will be enough for us. It's not just about attention with her as with some kids, its like you said, she needs to take a chill pill. When she gets older I think I will remove her to another room, vs. time out where she can see me. That way, she can have time to cool down and learn to control her own emotion, BUT she learns that that kind out outburst has a consequence attached. I mean, after all, anger/frustation is a healthy emotion if controlled, but it has consequences if its not controlled.
Keep the blogging coming ... I love that our kiddos are so close in age.
Oh, I also wanted to mention that I sometimes have trouble discipling for these things so early because I wonder if a lot of it is frustration with communicating as I mentioned. I have tried to really talk to her, and show her I am trying to understand what she wants before automatically thinking she just needs to chill. I am ready for some more words for this reason. I so should have taught her to sign a little!
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