In the Mountains...

For all of you faithful followers, my apologies for not posting lately. We've had a wonderful few weeks traveling. Many interesting things have occurred for me to share. We first made our way down to Galveston, TX for several days with David's grandparents at their beach house. Thomas loved helping to feed the seagulls and looking at the crabs we caught in the bay. If you are reading this, please say a quick prayer for David's grandmother, Trudy (GG). She is an exceptional woman who is currently battling cancer. David and I had the opportunity to share with Trudy and Tom how much we have learned from them, especially about marriage. They have been very inclusive and supportive of us since I entered the picture 6 years ago. My relationship with GG has meant a ton to me especially since my own grandmothers passed away 10 and 14 years ago. The trip was also a wonderful chance for both the Thomas Lisenbys to be together. They had fun sharing smiles on the back deck.

On Memorial Day weekend we made it all the way from sea-level to 9,200 ft. with only a few meltdowns from Baby Tommy. I think we have permanently ruined his former enjoyment of riding in the car. He hates his carseat now. Upon arriving at my parent's cabin in CO he had altitude sickness for 10 days. David's cousins were afraid of him after he threw up carrots all over them and then had a runny poop down his back. We're settling into a rhythm now, though, and have had a few adventures. We went to the Sand Dunes on the highest wind day of the year and had some friends from Spain come stay with us. Sharing a Spanish bota of wine and eating authentic sausage did not agree with my belly so well. Last weekend proved to provide some interesting discussion topics with my friends from grad. school who came down for a few nights. I'd love to hear you thoughts about the following topics (listed in random order):

1. Is the Bible meant to be applied to our current lives word for word or just in themes?
2. Is it ok for women to have plastic surgery especially after they are done having kids?
3. Would you ever consider being a surrogate mother? (This came up when David's aunt called and asked me this).
4. Are men and women equal?
5. Can you be a Republican and truly care deeply about social justice?
6. Should healthcare be nationalized?

I promise to share all my thoughts as you post comments. Right now I'm enjoying some water as I sit next to my friend Tara (whose Papa has a cabin out here too). We are using the internet at a place called the Candy Bean that sells toys. Last year it was a bike shop. Stores in small mountain towns sure change quickly.

To Stay at Home or Not to Stay at Home?

Many of you know how strange it has been for me to stay home the last 6 months. I've looked for several jobs and even interviewed for a few things that haven't worked out. I've been working at the church 10 hours a week but have decided I'd even rather do that as a volunteer so I can freely travel with David. Luckily, I don't have to work for financial purposes. Things will be tight with David in school, but he actually gets a decent salary from KU. I've been all over the map lately...working at Starbucks?, starting my PhD?, staying home full-time?. Basically I have no idea what I want to do and how Thomas and David fit into it. On the other hand, I know it's time when we get back from the cabin to start stimulating my brain again.

I'm lucky to have quite a few options and want to do something to contribute to our finances and my own health as a person. I've started to experience joy in staying home and doing routine things like folding laundry and cleaning our house. I've even gotten on a schedule that works well for Thomas and I and includes exercise for me and social interactions for T. Maybe the grass is always greener, and I'm playing that game for moms who work or have found ways to use their talents outside of the home. Here's what I know: 1. I don't want to work full-time and miss being with T. 2. I want to be available to David's schedule to do things like go to CO in the summers. 3. I need an environment that has clear boundaries and isn't so emotionally taxing that I come home overtired. 4. I'm drained by the idea of doing ministry or working in a Christian setting right now. 5. I'm a big baby when it comes to serving my family and need more practice in that area. 6. I get excited about PhD classes for me but am not sure it is best for David and I as a couple. (financially and the idea of both of us being in school) 7. I'm not ready to have another baby and therefore not really have this decision to make since when we have 2+ I'll probably be home. 8. It would be great if I could work somewhere that would provide health insurance and only in the mornings. 9. I don't want to babysit or be a nanny...leaving the house is a big factor. 10. I've thought about writing but don't know how to make money or provide structure to that career. Any ideas?

OBAMA '08!

David and I are big Barack Obama supporters for the '08 election. He is coming to Kansas City on Saturday to launch his campaign. We are super excited to hear him speak. For more information about this candidate please go to his website at www.barackobama.com. He has an awesome speech posted right now on faith and politics.

Faith and politics has become a topic that I have become very interested in over the past few years. I used to vote Republican because I was spoon fed to do so by older, conservative Christians. A wise friend of mine told me a few years ago to consider picking a few topics or issues that are important to me and supporting the candidate that best matches my status on the issues. If you are voting one direction or the other I would ask you the following questions..."Do you know why you are voting for one party? Do you have your top issues that cause you to support a candidate?" My important issues have recently been: social justice, the environment, cultural awareness, and public education. I think it would be so wonderful to have a bi-racial man who supports these things in the White House.

PS-I love a good debate and hope I am good listener to other points of view while holding my own ground. Let's talk politics via comments and e-mail!

INTJ Personality Wins Again

Posting a quiz on your blog and having your friends take it is in honor of my friend Tim Suttle. So click to this quiz (it's not the best one I've seen, but it will do) and let me know what you are in the form of a comment. I studied the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator in grad. school and find it fascinating. David and I have been able to figure out why we disagree by looking at how we differ on this test. We've both taken the 250+ question version and been debriefed by a professional. If you have taken this several times at least look through it again...you may know yourself better now. I used to score as slightly F but have been a T for the past few years. This might have to do with the fact that David is so F that I feel the need to balance him out and be rational. :)

QUIZ

Below is some info. about me...

How to Love an INTJ
Be an attentive and respectful listener.
Appreciate my competency and creativity.
Give me plenty of privacy and time alone for me to pursue my interests in depth.
Try not to pressure me to share my feelings before I'm ready.
Be honest and direct about what you need.
Above all - respect my independence and need to live my life according to my own standards.

How to Spot INTJs:
cool, formal and independent
intellectual, logical, and skeptical
complex, and challenging with a sometimes superior attitude
conservative dressers with an individual look

Tips for Communicating with INTJs:
Appeal to their creativity and innovation
Base your arguments on logical reasoning
Be organized and avoid errors that undermine your competence

New Life Live

I highly recommend the radio program "New Life Live" on each day at 1pm Central. It is Christian therapists that answer callers questions about life, relationships, and troubles. All of you counseling buddies would love it. Henry Cloud, John Townsend, Steve Arteburn, Jill Hubbard are a few of the therapist on there. Tune in with me, and we will analyze all the callers later in the afternoon via e-mail.

Strange

It is a little strange to have a son that looks exactly like me. Sometimes I look at him and have to do a doubletake to make sure he isn't me. He looks exactly like my dad, my youngest brother, aunt, and I. And let's face it my dad, brother, aunt, and I all look exactly the same too. Genes...fascinating.

Mood Setter

Here's a little photo to get you in the mood for the below post.

Questions, Comments, and Doubts

We attended our church marriage retreat this weekend, and I've spent the past few hours reflecting (while also feeding T, folding clothes, and watching 'Troop Beverly Hills' and 'School of Rock) on some of the things the speaker in our videos said. See what you think about the following stuff and post a comment.

1. Mutual submission---The speaker said that if one spouse chooses to simply submit to the other and "cast their anxieties on God" as they wait for the other person to start submitting as well then things will eventually work out "in due time." I agree with this in theory but only if the other person shows at least small signs of willingness to grow/work on themselves/submit too. It also would only work if both people are physically and emotionally safe in the relationship. If there is any piece of either partner that is unsafe then much more would need to be done in addition to "casting anxieties on God" including setting boundaries. All in all, I think submission only works if it is 100% mutual. Otherwise, one partner loses themselves as they struggle to love and serve someone that continues to hurt them. I just don't think my divorced friends who gave their husbands or wives years of "due time" waiting for them to submit in return would buy the whole idea that it would eventually work out if they kept on waiting in an emotionally unsafe relationship.

2. The speaker said God cares about all of our desires. I agree. BUT God also wants our hearts to beat like His, and He doesn't show any evidence in His Word of wanting some of the things I want. For example, if my greatest desire is a million dollar home (which it isn't---I can't even keep our current home clean) I can pray and pray and pray for God to give it to me, but I don't think million dollar homes are something His heart beats for.

3. David and I have come to the conclusion recently that marriage is kind of a crap shoot. Some marriages work and some simply don't. We got married really young before we knew each other or ourselves and got lucky. Lucky meaning that we were both willing to go through the ringer for a few years to figure a bunch of stuff out about each other and ourselves. It wasn't pretty (and still isn't some of the time) but we were both WILLING to do it. The crap shoot is taking the chance that the other is willing to work on themselves and that you have the courage to look at yourself and see your own shit and fix it. I don't think God loves us any more because our marriage happens to work than our friends whose marriages didn't work out.

This is my longest post ever. What do you all think?

10!

Most of you know by now that I am pretty open with the whole weight/body image stuff. I just wanted to report that I am now officially in a size 10! All size 10s are now zipping up and even a little loose. This is very exciting as I have worked pretty hard to get to this point. While a 10 is still a pretty far cry from the 4s hanging in my closet from pre-pregnancy, I'll take it! One step at a time...On Thomas' first birthday I'll probably also be throwing a party titled "Yea Adrienne Got All Her Baby Weight Off!"
You guys can all come celebrate with me...

All Around Girl

Ok so I have been around quite a few women lately that feel like they cannot have a seperate identity from their kids. Here comes the word vommit (to quote Kate from The Bachelor) on this topic...Please don't let me be like this! I love people, counseling, my husband, creativity, basketball, Desperate Housewives, social justice, adoption, ice cream, solitude, jewelry, talk radio, exercise classes, AND Thomas. I am a whole person and while I know I will have to sacrifice different parts of myself at different times during my children's lives I will not simply be a mom who doesn't know any other sides of her multi-faceted personality.

Along the same lines...It is becoming more and more clear after some opened and closed doors that I may be going back to school to train to be a professor/counselor at the university level. I want to stay at home and serve my family part-time, but I know there is also an intellectual and academic leadership side to me that is currently missing. David and my parents are in full support and will be part of Thomas' village for the next several years. We will raise him as a team. I'm very excited about this possibility on many levels...please hope for me that it either works out or that I have a clear sense about what is next along with being a mom.

Random Birthday Thoughts

Hey thanks to everyone that made my 27th Birthday so fun. My wonderful husband hosted a surprise party where my mom kissed one of my friends on the lips. I was pretty impressed with David's effort because I really did not think we were doing anything except maybe seeing my parents after dinner. I'm also impressed that David knows me well enough to know exactly what I would want...low-key, short, not tons of people, good friends, no presents (although some of you broke this rule), my family, and little kids. I loved watching the way my friend Allison's boys interacted with Baby Thomas tonight...her youngest calls him Baby Homas and likes to stroke his hair.

This year I am grateful for our home (and several other things but that is what I reflected on today). I was looking around tonight, and I really feel like our home represents my personality and welcomes people well. I love all the unique things we have been given as gifts that I've been able to put together in one place. Decorating and making each room homey has been a great way to express my creativity and hospitality. I know the next time you are here you may not get the best meal or see an immaculately clean place, but I hope you are listened to, feel cared for, and enjoy looking at interesting things from around the world. We are truly blessed people.

Days 5 & 6

Day Five:
"Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for
necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers." Eph. 4:29
Another way to describe the positive side of this "30-Day Encouragement Challenge" is
by using the word "edify," which means, "to build up." Negative comments only
discourage and tear down. Positive comments encourage and build.
Do you edify your husband before others, adding to his value in their eyes? This is
especially important to other family members.
Do you praise your husband to his relatives, and yours? Does your husband's mother
know how much you love him? How about your dad? Perhaps you can drop a word of
praise into a conversation or letter. Be creative in letting your relatives know that you
respect your husband, love him, and support him - in spite of whatever flaws and
weaknesses he may have.

Day Six:
"...whatever ye do, do all to the glory of God." 1 Cor. 10:31b
Do you recognize and appreciate your husband's creativity? Or do you criticize and
demean his efforts? Instead of negativity, determine to be positive. Perhaps you can
help your husband see that his efforts are an opportunity to glorify God.
Is your husband the "creative" type? Does he have any artistic gifts? What is that
special "knack" he has? Affirm him for his handiwork - a hobby, music, gardening,
tinkering with cars, working with wood, etc. Remember: Even if he doesn't measure up
to your standards, praise his efforts. If your budget allows, buy him a book or magazine
that will continue to encourage his special skill or talent.
If you have a hard time finding his "creative side," understand that men's creativity
sometimes is related to their work. Find something he does to make his job run more
smoothly or something he does that adds value to his work...and let him know that you
have noticed.
Make his day...Praise his accomplishments in public, while he is listening.

Days 3 & 4

Day Three:
"...love suffers long, and is kind..." 1 Cor. 13:4
"And my God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ
Jesus." Phil. 4:19
Love indeed suffers long and is kind. As you consider your Encouragement Challenge,
determine today that you will not say anything negative to or about your husband.
Speak kindly to him with words of genuine encouragement.
If your husband is considerate of your needs, let him know that you have noticed. Thank
him for his kindness and consideration. Thank the Lord that your husband knows how to
be both tough and tender.
Sometimes it's difficult for a man to be gentle, kind or tender - especially if he hasn't had
role models in these areas. If he's not a considerate person, appeal to him for help
without complaining. Let him know that it's hard for you to handle some things alone.
Then, when he moves in to help, don't insist that he do it your way. Be glad that he is
responding, and express your gratitude.
Ultimately, you can't expect your husband to make you feel more secure, loved, etc.
Remember that only God can meet the deepest needs of your heart.


Day Four:
"...let him labor, working with his hands what is good..." Eph. 4:28
We are all accountable for the things we say, both negative and positive words. Have
you embraced the challenge to speak only positive things to your husband and to others
about him? Here's a suggestion that touches the core of your husband's world.
Some women take their husband's career for granted, and they show it in many ways.
Do you "dump" on your husband at the end of the workday, or do you strengthen and
encourage him with your words? A wise wife will make her husband feel that she values
and appreciates his work. Let him know that you are glad he is a hard worker. Take
opportunities to praise his diligence and resourcefulness to others.
If your husband is out of work, unable to work, or refuses to work, you'll need to be more
creative. Praise him for a character quality that you see in him that would be a vital part
of a successful career - such as persistence, decisiveness, strength, an analytical mind,
organizational skills, good with people, good listener, determination, etc.

Art, Not Science

I had the big realization last week that I tend to spend quite a bit of time trying to make something that is an art into a science. I'm always trying to figure out just the right formula to be at peace and content with my circumstances. A perfect example is our finances. It's great to have a budget and a plan, but the reality is that sometimes we will go over the figure we set and sometimes I will buy a shirt at Target that I don't really need. Even at our small group this week I caught myself asking other couples for financial advice and wisdom, which in and of itself is not a bad thing, but I was looking for "just the right way" to spend money. I want someone to just tell me the rules so I can simply follow them. Other examples where I've seen this idea in my life include being a wife, mothering, cleaning our house, weight-loss, etc.

The problem with this kind of thinking is that it doesn't leave space for the beauty of creativity. I probably need a little reigning in from time to time or I would bounce all over the place, but when I catch myself being too extreme about how to do everything then I miss the art of it all. Finding peace in my home doesn't come from the perfect cleaning schedule and furniture arrangements. While I'm always up for tips, advice, wisdom, etc. I'm also going to try to start embracing the ART of life. An incredible piece of artwork usually has a few mistakes and wasn't perfectly plotted out before it happens. Maybe it's time for me to grab a blank canvas, some brushes, and a bunch of colors and see what happens!

Skinny and Single

Hey if you are skinny and single, never fear! I'm going to be putting a lot more than just the nice talk and the diet info on here. Keep checking back, and if you don't post a comment I don't know that you are reading...:)

Day #2

Day Two:
"...through love serve one another." Gal. 5:13b
How did you do yesterday with your first day of blessing and encouraging your
husband? Was it easy? Was it hard to hold your tongue when you wanted to say
something negative? We hope you're off to a good start. (If you blew it, don't give up -
start again today!) There are so many practical things you can praise, if you look for
them.
Today, find some way that your husband is serving you or your family. Does he help
around the house? Take care of the car? Fix things that are broken? If your budget
allows, give him a new, small tool with a big bow attached. But make sure he doesn't
think it's part of a "Honey Do" list!

Day #1

Many of you have asked me about the 30 day challenge to speak kind words to your husbands. I'll just put the links on here as I go so you can see them. That way we can do it together although it might take longer than 30 days. For the pound-off, I'm using many of the recipies from Denise Austin's book "Lose Those Last 10 Pounds" even though I have more than 10 pounds to lose. To keep track of everything I've been using FlyLady's Body Clutter Investigator Form and going to Curves. I'll put a link to the form later.

Day One:
"The heart of her husband safely trusts her; so he will have no lack of gain. She does
him good and not evil all the days of her life." Prov. 31:11-12
To refresh your memory...here's the 30-Day Encouragement Challenge...for the next 30
days:
* You can't say anything negative about your husband ...to your husband...or to anyone
else, about your husband.
* Say something that you admire or appreciate about your husband...to your
husband...and to someone else, about your husband!
To help you get started, have you ever thanked your husband for "choosing you" above
all other women? He found you attractive as a person, and appreciated you. Though
many circumstances in your marriage may have changed, let your husband know that
you are glad God led you together, and that you want to be a blessing to him for the rest
of your marriage. Let him know that he can trust you to be in his corner.
One of the best opportunities to express your gratitude is first thing in the morning. How
do you greet your husband each morning? Is he confident in your love? Give him a
"wake up call" that he'll never forget-a big "I love you" and an "I'm so glad I'm your wife!"

Writing, Restricting, or Nice Talking Anyone?

I am working on some articles to submit to "Kansas City Baby" Magazine. If you know of any other writing opportunities please let me know. I also started working out and "restricting calories" last week. I don't like the word diet. I have 25-30lbs. to lose, so if you want to join me for a pound-off also let me know. Here is a link to a 30 day challenge to speak kindly to your husband. www.reviveourhearts.com If you had a video camera at our house you would see that this is also an area I need to improve on. Let me see if I can use the words "let me know" and "also" one more time in this post. If you want to do the "be nice to your husband" thing also let me know.

Recipe From My Grandma

My mom sent this one to me. If you knew my Grandma it would be even funnier. Cooking was not her deal. Here at Flip-Flops and Chocolate we embrace things that are not our deals!

Grandma's Roast Beef

Accourding to your liking and the number of people you plan to serve, get a roast, any old cut will do. It can even be frozen! If frozen, start cooking first thing in the morning. Put 1 pkg of dried onion soup on top of it. Add some H2O and cook at 300 all day. About 2 hours before serving, throw some carrots and potatoes in around the roast. Maybe even some celery or frozen green beans. Or peas. It doesn't really matter.

The rest of the meal can have Sara Lee and throw in some packaged dinner rolls. Forget the rest of the fancy foods. Make a meal and nice friends and this is all you need instead of killing youself cooking-too much lost time lost in life if you're in the stupid kitchen all day!

This recipe is written exactly as my mom gave it to me 31 years ago. Enjoy the food, family, friends, and life!

Lydia Dreher

The Husband's Perspective

This is an e-mail from David's uncle Brad that I think you all got. If your husband would like to join "Crocs and Budwiser" post a comment after this one. However, please be aware that as the Club Founder I do not endorse this kind of sarcastic response.

Dear Adrienne,

>Sorry to be so intrusive and bold. But from the male perspective - this
>seems like a very high maintenance idea. From the wisdom of "When Harry met
>Sally", you are the worst type of High Maintenance Woman - you suffer from
>the illusion that you are a low maintenance when in reality you are truly
>"High Maintenance".

>As a result I am going to start a support group for David and the other
>husbands. My new blog and website where the husbands can post their
>thoughts will be called - "Crocs and Budweiser". The topics where husbands
>can comment and collaborate will include:

>1.) "Bye Bye Boobies" - Will my wife ever stop wearing nursing bras?
>2.) Learning to love cereal for dinner

>Membership is open to all husbands. No requirements for membership. You
>should expect inconsistency in updates and responses. Random and incoherent
>thoughts / ideas are welcome. The more controversial the better, no
>political correctness allowed.

This is a man's world baby!!!
Sincerely,
Brad B. Jewett
Dead Man Waling (Once Brenda sees my response)