In Mourning

I'm mourning the loss of something very important in my life: the ability to sleep on my stomach. Oh how quickly I had forgotten what a terrible night slumber without belly time makes. You see, at only 8 weeks my uterus is already started to expand, even though I've successfully not gained any weight yet. (!!) As soon as I naturally and comfortably roll over in my perfect sleep position my bladder gets compressed. I've even tried angling my legs out at 90 degrees or wedging myself into a side/belly position. To no avail. I will miss you, my sweet stomach, for more reasons than just the ability to sleep on you soundly. I will see you again for sleeping in about 7 months. For non-jelly rolls in about 2 years, and for bikinis probably never. Back and sides here I come.

Goals for Pregnancy #2

1. Gain less than 50lbs. this time. Any number less than 50 will be seen as successful, although the normal 25-35 range would be ideal especially considering I'm starting 10 lbs. higher than I did with #1.
-Meet this goal by starting off trimester #1 with less than a 5lb. gain, making healthy choices, staying away from fast food,
especially Taco Bell, only give into Winsteads once a week, minimal pop and one dessert or less per day

2. Exercise regularly, including walking, weights, elliptical machine, and yoga 5-6 times a week. (I only went for the occasional walk last time).

3. Enjoy the process knowing that the bodily ailments will be over soon enough and that this will probably be my last pregnancy.

4. Try to keep complaining about huge boobs, back spasms, thunder thighs, bat arms, and calf cramps to a minimum except for the occasional rant on this blog.

5. Practice thinking positive thoughts about getting up at night by getting out of bed happily when my alarm goes off at 6:15 each day. Yes, I know this will be much different when it is 12, 3, and 6am, but at least I can point myself in the right direction.

Probably more to come as we go along...

She's Coming Back

You read it here first. Pretty much to the day I lost all my baby weight I am pregnant again! WhooHoo! We are so excited. We got to hear the heartbeat today, and Thomas thought the sound was a choo-choo train. He also wanted to be the one to "color" mommy's belly with the jelly stuff. I think when it is time to find out the sex he will be staying at Grammy's for a few hours. I am 6 weeks along and due on February 12th. This puts Tommy and Baby Lisenby at exactly 2 years and 3 months apart. We can't believe it! Congratulations to us!

French Kiss

Just so you know, Thomas does not kiss with the top of his head anymore. When he is in the mood to give me a kiss he goes for it with a wide open mouth. It is like a huge, slobbery french kiss. Yes, I make-out with my son as often as he will let me. It's the most beautiful thing in the world.

Breakfast Sausage

Thomas said, "Breakfast Sausage" this morning. It was funny.

Another Book Review

I was assigned this book for my summer school class at Rockhurst. Rockhurst's program is focused on social justice, and I am LOVING it. This book is excellent. Finally a book that has made me truly think about my role in society. I want to work in schools to promote justice, and this book accurately describes the state of urban school districts. Why isn't tax money more evenly distributed for schools? Why don't we bus students to schools outside our neighborhoods in order to desegregate? How can I make sure Thomas is around people who don't look like him but not necessarily compromise his education or make him the minority? Are magnet schools a good or a bad thing? These are some of the questions I am asking myself after reading this book. The conditions of urban schools are disgusting...raw sewage, non-working toilets, students standing in the back of classrooms due to lack of space, teachers sleeping through the classes they are assigned to teach, text books 5 and 6 grades below a student's grade level, etc. So much work to do...

Book Review

David heard about this book on NPR and gave it to me for Mother's Day. It is a compilation of essays from different journalists who have either chosen to work, stay-home, or something in-between. I liked the book immediately as it provides an educated angle to what I've been battling with for the past few years. To work or stay home? To work part-time or full-time? To stay home and then go back to work? This book gives insight into all those questions. The biggest thing I learned is that every woman and family has a different system that works for them. I personally want to work and am getting the certification I need to do so. I also value staying home. Many of my friends want to stay home full-time. I didn't realize this was such a hot topic until I read the reviews on the book when I was done reading it. Women are so caddy!

Headed West...

Yesterday we did our annual early summer pilgrimage to Colorado. For the past 12 years I have journeyed to the mountains in either May or June for various jobs and vacations. This year will will enjoy 2 weeks now and 2 weeks in August of hiking, reading, shopping, reflecting, and adventures. We have Internet here now, so feel free to e-mail me.

It Happened Today.

I was out to dinner at Chili's (my fav) with Thomas. David was working late, and we were killing time before music class sharing our mutual love of carbohydrates. I was wearing a sleeveless shirt (my first of the season); Thomas was wearing his train engineer hat and his "Mommy Digs Me" shirt. The waiter sat us down in a 2-man booth. Thomas was in his highchair to my right. Both of us were happily tanking up on chips and salsa when the catastrophe occurred. Thomas began to choke a little bit on a chip. He was coughing it up, and I did the typical mom thing. I reached over to pat his back until it came up. That is when I noticed it. Surely it couldn't be happening to me. As I was patting Tommy's back the bottom of my arms jiggled. And not just a little jiggle. A lot of jiggle. BAT WING JIGGLE. Yes. It is official. Today I became aware that I have bat wing arms.

I've always known about my unfortunate arm composition, however I thought what I lacked in thinness I could make up for in muscle. For years I've lifted weights to "sculpt" my upper body. Yet unfortunately it appears that even with all this work genetics have won. And you know what? I'm ready to embrace the bats. My great-grandmother Mae, who I have inherited most of my gene pool from, had bats. I remember crawling up on her wheelchair on the 4th of July and watching her arms swoosh and swash a little too close to my face. She always felt so cuddly. I felt safe tucked in beneath her squishy, large wings. These snuggle sessions occurred before I was banned from her lap for pulling her hair to see if it was a wig. My older cousin promised me a whole sheet of fuzzy feet stickers if I would check. It wasn't a wig. She had real hair, and I brought Jeff down with me when I was sent to time-out for an HOUR after my curious escapade.

And so, while some may take my observation as a kick-start to do 1000 push-ups a day, I am not going to change a thing. My husband, as you can see from the picture, digs bats both as animals and as loose skin. And when my child, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren crawl into my lap they too will feel the warm embrace of wings enveloping them.

(Title of this post in honor of Michele)

New Years Resolution Update

Thomas and I have been busy during the week going to the park. We've gone almost every day this week to a different park, and he loves it. I love being outside. Not much else is going on right now. We are waiting for David to finish up finals so we can head to the cabin for 2 weeks! Then we will be home for June and July and go back out there in August. I can't wait to smell mountain air and see my CO friends!

Here's the New Years Update 6 months in:

1. Be less judgmental about how other people spend money, especially extremely wealthy people.
Callie's wedding was a big gauge for me in this. I'm starting to realize that everyone has something they spend money on.
For some, it is travel. For my dad it is golf clubs. Home decorating, cars, school, and toys also might be options. So
basically God gave us all the money we have and we get to choose how we spend it. Just because I choose differently than
others doesn't mean I'm bad or they are bad. It's just different. I still have some work to do about my first response to not
be judgment, and I also have some work to do in giving my own money away more often and promoting justice in my own
community. I still don't know how to not judge those of us who have A LOT and don't give much away. Maybe it's just me,
but the wealthiest people in my life are the least generous. That is where I get stuck. Thoughts? I'd love to engage on this
topic.

2. Get up every week day by 6:30am.
I had a slump for a month or so when I was sleeping until Thomas woke me up, but I think I am out of that now. I like
going to the gym a few mornings a week at 5:30, so I've been trying to make that happen. I'm also realizing that I can
function pretty well on 6-7 hours of sleep instead of 8-9. That has been a mental shift for me, the girl who loves to sleep.

3. Choose not to feel guilty about adding the career piece of myself back into my life.
Classes this semester are done, and this Spring has been the best season as a mother yet. While I've loved having
something for myself, I've also realized somewhere along the way that I do not want to go back to work full-time.

4. Go on more cultural dates with my husband.
Bad here. I can't think of any interesting things we have done for the past few months. I've enjoyed my book club lately
and am excited to start reading 'The Artist's Way' this summer with a group of creative women. Hopefully David and I can
get out of suburbia together several times this summer.

5. Take pictures that help me create a story through writing.
I haven't taken that many pictures lately, but I'm kind of holding out for my friend's photography class in August. One
creative project I have been working on is a journal for Thomas. Every couple of days I write something he did or thoughts
I have. I hope to continue it throughout his childhood and give it to him when becomes an adult. David and I want to
climb a peak with him the summer after he graduates and bless him as a man. I'll probably give it to him then.

6. When I have the choice, make the more simple decision 60% of the time.
I've decided this one goes hand in hand with my confidence levels. When I am confident about the direction we want our
family to go, it is easy for me to make simple, good decisions. When I start wavering or people pleasing, I don't think
through whether a decision fits our values and desire for simplicity well.

My fruit of the spirit that I am going to focus on/read about/try to live out this year is faithfulness.
I'm still struggling here. I just don't know what this looks like as well with my role as a mom. Reading my bible, being in a
study or a MOPS group, joining our new church???

KU Victory Parade

Book Reviews

I've read two excellent books lately.

1. A Thousand Splendid Suns
This one is going on my top-10 list for sure. I liked it even better than 'The Kite Runner' because it was the story of two women. I LOVED this book. By far one of my best reads of all-time. That is all I'm going to say because you need to read it yourself.

2. Baby-Proofing Your Marriage
I really wish I would have read this book and others like it after Thomas was born. It normalized a ton of what David and I went through in those early months. Probably the best tip the authors gave was to take a time-out in your relationship from the weeks before the baby comes to the time the kid sleeps through the night. Man, I wish we would have had this perspective. It would have solved all those late night fights about nothing but the fact that we were both exhausted.

It's Time to Confess...

I don't think I am a baby person. Babies are sweet and smell good, but I LOVE the stage little Tommy is in right now. He is 17.5 months and can run and play and does TONS of signs. He brings me toys and asks for help with them. He is interested in new people or things he has never seen before. Everything is such an exciting adventure. This morning we went to the garden nursery and bought some flowers for our pots. He pointed at each type of flower and did the sign for flower...two sniffs. When I let him carry one of the flowers to the car, he smiled and signed, "Thank you, Mommy." Then we went through the drive-through at Starbucks, and from his car-seat he kept telling the man at the window, "Momma. Drink." (Yes we go through this drive-through a lot, but I have to have something to replace my diet pop addiction I'm trying to kick). Next up was the library, where the librarian helped us find a book about elephants and one about gorillas. Tommy and David went to the zoo in Oklahoma City last weekend, and those were his two favorite animals. He wouldn't let the books go when it was time to check-out until he showed the lady the signs for both animals. Lastly, on the way home we saw a train. Instead of Choo Choo, Tommy says CAW CAW!! Oh how I love my little bugaboo. These are pictures from the last month or so. I couldn't find my camera cord for awhile.

DaaDaDaaDa DaaDaDaaDa

I observed a 3rd grade class the other day. The kids were working on similes. I always liked similes.
Here are some that pertain to my current life:

1. Elmo is as cool to Thomas as a movie star.
2. Ryan Gosling is as hot as fire.
3. When we see the stuffed Elmo at the library Thomas is like a drooling, love-sick puppy.
4. If Ryan Gosling ever came to my house to make-out with me, I would melt like butter.

That's right. Elmo and Ryan G. are the kings in this house. Oh and David you are hot and super-cool too. (Don't worry, David has given me full permission to make-out with Ryan with no aftermath if he ever comes to our house). But here's a question for you: What is it about Elmo that makes him the main attraction of Sesame Street? I mean, I truly think if Thomas ever got to touch the actual Elmo he would be like the girl in my dad's high school class who touched one of the Beatles and didn't wash her hand again until it turned black and was getting infected.

Inner Athlete Squashed

I had my free personal training session today at the new gym we joined. I sensed it was going to be bad when the trainer left the following message on my answering machine: "Adrienne, Hi how ARE you. This is Wendy from the gym. I'd love to meet with you this week to talk about getting some of this weight I'm seeing on your chart off. Can you come in tomorrow at 6am?"

Uh no. I'm not coming to the gym at 6am to have my ass kicked by this 5'8"-solid muscled-no ounce of fat-drill Sargent. So we made an appointment for 11:30am. Much more my style.

When I joined the gym I was about 10lbs. heavier than I thought I would be. I put the scale away last month because I was getting a little obsessed. I had weighed in for the gym at the end of the day with my clothes on, so according to my previous Weight Watchers friends I was asking for it. But considering all my previous work to lose 30lbs. this year I truly thought I was ready to run with the big dogs. (see my previous post). I know I still have some weight to get off in order to be in peak condition, but I've been feeling great lately, not eating as much crap, and working out 5 days a week.

Enter Wendy. My worst nightmare. When God dealt out empathy she didn't get any. First she showed me some chart that compared me to other 5'3", 28-year-old women. I was "far below average." I would have to lose 38 pounds and weigh 104 to be above average like Wendy (so humbly) pointed out she is. I'm pretty sure in 4th grade I weighed more than 104. Wendy went on to measure me with some pincher thing and mentioned I had quite a few extra "inches" in my chest area. I chuckled and told her the whole shrinking boobs after breastfeeding story was a myth for me. She didn't find me very humorous. Next I had to do a step-test in a skirt. Still trying to get this non-human woman to have a little fun, I asked her where she grew up. "I went to Northwest," she grunted. That's where I went too! Finally something we can agree on. She asked me if I played sports. I told her about my 4 years on the C-team of Cross Country and Track. Grunts. This All-American Volleyball, Basketball, and Track star was not impressed that my parents live next door to Coach Rose now.

Then Wendy and I sat down for a little talk. She asked me why I am in the "far below average" category. When I gave her my sob story about how I felt like hell during pregnancy, only ate Speghetti-O's and cookie cake for 9 months, gained 55 lbs, didn't workout at all, and then had a 4th degree tear during delivery and couldn't exercise for 6 months postpartum she smirked and told me I was at risk for diabetes and heart problems. She stated with people like me who don't seem to value a healthy body it's best to try to scare them into getting to work. I was scared. Scared of this freaky man-woman. Then we walked around for a minute while she showed me how to do a bicep curl and told me not to press "Quick Start" on the treadmill.

Wendy's recommendation for me was to workout 2 hours a day, eat 1200 calories or less of lean protein and complex carbs, and drink more water. Oh and she wants me to come back for 4 more training sessions and pay her $250. Have a nice life, Wendall, I mean Wendy. I'm going to continue to do what I can with the body composition I was born with and not worry about weighing 104. Oh and just so you know, I ate 2 oreos just now, hoe.

CHALMERS THREEEEEEE!

We went to the KU Victory Parade yesterday in Lawrence. Crowds swarmed the players like they were movie stars as they rode by in convertibles. It was crazy. Tommy LOVED it. He thought the whole parade was just for him and clapped the entire time.

I've been trying to think about what would be the equivalent of hitting a last minute 3-point shot to win the National Championship of College Basketball in my life. Mario Chalmers had to feel absolutely exhiliterated. I'm sure he will NEVER get tired of watching the replay of those few moments. For me I thought about completing a marathon. Like Chalmers, it was something I worked really hard for, but for some reason it didn't feel quite right. Then I thought about giving birth. Glorious, but still didn't fit. Being a Wilderness Guide for three summers? There were definitely a few moments on the trail that brought "glorious and inexpressible joy," but no.

Side note: I watched the video of Tommy's 1st Birthday Party randomly today. I couldn't believe it was me on tape. There I was, a beautiful wavy haired, MOM. I was so happy that day. So present. The tape shows me as a confident in the moment woman. I wasn't getting side-tracked by my stupid in-laws or the 10lbs. I still had to lose. I could have watched myself again and again.

Back to Mario. This morning it hit me that the equivelient of hitting a 3-point shot to win it all for me is being present in each moment and content with my circumstances. When I got up and was able to recognize how fortunate I am to have a loving husband, a beautiful son, an amazing house, great family, a good brain, a working body, etc. it helped me to take advantage of each moment today. Pushing Tommy in his swing and soaking in what he looks like right now and how happy he is to be outside...LISENBY THREE! Realizing I'll never get the moment back that David walked in the door this afternoon and giving him a huge kiss...LISENBY THREE! I could go on and on, but staying present and content...that is my big shot.

Some Things I Did Today

My pal from college has been posting on her blog a list of 100 things she wants to do before she goes. I thought about doing the same, but lists of many things that don't end up getting done make me feel guilty. Plus, who knows how life is going to unfold. I could have never put on a list 5 years ago, "Decorate a suburb house," but that is what I've spent some time doing this year. In the spirit of being mindful and present, here are a few things I've done today:

1. Watched Alec Baldwin on Sesame Street
2. Made a note for Tommy's Texas grandparents by helping him put on stickers and put it in the mailbox
3. Folded clothes with Tommy and had a sock-ball war
4. Read "Where's Spot?" 3 times out of order
5. Sat still on the couch while my son lifted up my shirt to see my button at least 100 times.
6. Laughed at an 17-month-old who still wants to sit in his take-along swing to watch Barney
7. Talked to two friends on the phone
8. Blew my nose about once every 10 minutes from a sinus infection
9. Had my hair pulled. Hard.
10. Received 4-5 kisses with the top of a head.

Kansans Unite!

If you are not from Kansas you may not understand this post. People here are CRAZY about their sports teams. I mean nuts. I haven't noticed this kind of support in the other cities where I've lived. I LOVE sports, especially basketball. I couldn't be more excited that the Kansas Jayhawks are in the Championship Game tomorrow night. I've watched them all season long and can very vividly remember when they won it all in 1988. Danny Manning and Larry Brown were my idols. In the 1990's I had posters in my room of Jarred Haas and Jacque Vaughn. My whole life I've cheered for the Hawks...even when I transferred to K-State.

I know going to Kansas for one year and then transferring to KSU for 2.5 years is a unique situation, but come on Wildcats. Why can't you be happy that a school in your state is winning? I get the rivalry, but I know my dad would cheer for Missouri in the National Championship Game even though he hates them. It looks good for the Big 12 Conference if someone represents. Some of my friends here have recently crossed the line of fun. Especially Wildcats that say they won't cheer for KU Monday night or Jayhawks that would Boo Roy Williams. Roy was like a distant father to me, and he has the right to change his mind about where home is for him (even though he didn't do it perfectly). I love KU basketball. I love the town of Manhattan, KS. I know I am a rare bird (cat?), but maybe a little neutrality and love for my whole state is not such a bad thing. Pull yourselves together, Kansans, and let's all root for KU tomorrow night at 8pm.

Holy Cow.

Did anyone know that a Chipotle burrito with NO sour cream or guacamole has 1,000 calories? Crap.

Inner Athlete Unleashed

I've spent so much time trying to get baby weight on and then off the past two years that I forgot I am an athlete. I joined a gym last month that unleashed my athlete-self again. One day last week I worked out so hard I almost threw up. It's been a LONG time. And it felt awesome. Where did athlete Adrienne go?

There is no better feeling than pushing my body almost over the edge. I've been running again, doing cardio on the stair master or elliptical machines and lifting weights. And not wimpy girl weights. Strong woman weights. My goal is to continue to tone up and slim down over the next few months. It is almost like when I became pregnant I forgot that I ran 2 marathons, was a backpacking guide, and even was the second best female runner in camp for 2 summers. I was strong. And fast. And I'm starting to see that again. I love to sweat, and I need to call myself an athlete to make sweating a priority in my life.

Now that working out has become consistent for 6 straight months, it's time to work on the eating again. I can only do one thing at a time. I'm really going to give myself grace here though and cut out the bad stuff slowly and not altogether. Thomas is starting to notice what I eat and wants what is on my plate. This fact has made me more aware that if I wouldn't feed it to my baby it's probably not best for me either. A good example is cookie cake for breakfast. A note to self: If your son is signing for a cookie at 8am because he sees one on your plate you are probably not modeling well.

Oh and the great thing about this gym is that a bunch of 'real' athletes go there. So that means their kids are in the playroom. So Thomas gets to learn from tall kids. The other day he made friends with Garrison. Garrison's dad was in the NBA for awhile. I've found myself already wanting my son to succeed in athletics but deep down know his only chance is to be quick and coordinated. He's just not going to be very big. But like his momma he has a big heart and a lot of determination. He did knock a kid down when hunting for Easter Eggs recently, and Garrison taught him how to go head first down the slide. We have a little Rudy in the making.