Waiting Patiently

I'm trying to be patient for my shows to come back on. Season Premiers start September 26th. Here are some sneak pictures of my three shows. You'll know where to find me on Thursday and Sunday nights.

Pro Plastics

Don't get me wrong, as soon as David and I are done having kids and sock enough money away I want to get a tummy tuck and possibly a breast reduction (depending on how big the girls get after subsequent babies), but Cindy looks like a total freak. And I'm not just saying that because I hate the Republican ticket this year (PS-Could anyone be more party polarizing than Sarah Palin?) Here is an article about Mrs. McCain I found on the net. I hope all my Lisenby relatives jump off the McCain train before she eats them.

Cindy McCain, wife of Republican presidential candidate John McCain, is quite familiar with plastic surgery, as anyone who’s looked at her for more than five minutes can attest. Rumors abound that she’s had at LEAST a facelift, some eye and brow work, lots and lots of botox, maybe some fillers, injections, pretty much anything that can be popped into a syringe and injected is fair game.

What do you think - she just looks so plasticy, doesn’t she? For some reason she really scares me, like if she saw a kitten and she thought nobody was looking she might think about eating it. Just a nibble, you know. She looks the type to want to eat a kitten. Isn’t that part of the Republican platform?

First Day of School

Ahhh. I love the Fall. School starting, new planners, fresh pencils, drum line practice, and hopefully crisp air soon. Here are my boys on their first day of school. Thomas is going with David to the pre-school on campus two days a week.

Grey is a Beautiful Color

For some reason today is the day for a more serious post. Ever since moving back to Kansas City I've thought quite a bit about who I was in high school and then college. I really grew and changed in Denver...partly due to seminary, a lot due to marriage, and mostly just from growing up. The most tangible thing that has changed for me is my faith. My faith is so different from what it used to be that I hesitate to even blog about it because telling everyone what I believe is what I USED to do. But, I'm an external processor so here we go...

I met with my college roommate today for a play date and had the urge to stand on top of one of the Step 2 play structures and proclaim how much I've changed and grown since 1999. Here is this amazing woman that I never really got to know in college because I was living in my narrow bubble. I want to apologize to everyone I run into from my past about parts of the person I was, especially in college.

I was introduced to the idea of faith in high school through a ministry called Young Life. For the most part I remained fairly open minded and well rounded in high school. I was friends with a lot of people in many different circles. After my senior year I went to work at camp for the first time and came back...different.

My view and scope of God and people started to get VERY small and VERY judgmental. There was one right way to have faith. That included a daily quiet time, memorizing verses from the bible, only hanging out with other Christians so as not to corrupt yourself, no drinking or sex, and seeking out "mountain top/spiritual high" retreats and camp experiences. Enter my friends at the Tri-Delt house. Very few women were living in my box at the time, so I had very few friends. Looking back, I think my personality needed black and white answers to feel good about myself. I was struggling with weight issues and needed to become a super-Christian to compensate. I was asking the question, "How do I have faith in college?" The answer was simple: do these things and be part of this campus ministry and you will be a "strong" believer.

The problem wasn't that I had faith. The problem was that it became my life. I wasn't open to new ideas and experiences BECAUSE of my narrow faith. It was my way or the highway, so most people in my mind were cruising down I-70 (they were probably headed toward the West Coast where all those liberal hippies live). With each year of college my thinking became more judgmental. My friends and mentors were telling me my thinking was "right" or "good," but deep down I knew better. I had to escape. So, I graduated early and moved to Boulder. I played my guitar on the street and worked in a public school to earn money. I didn't go to church or seek out Christian friends. It was the most open minded thing I had done in 4 years.

Enter David...back at spiritual wonderland, i.e. the camp where we both worked, David began to catch my eye. Here was this guy that had traveled all over the world, was pretty open minded, had rejected his black and white Baptist upbringing but still had faith. Hmmm. So in true spiritual high form we got married. FAST. Finally I can have sex. What a relief.

Our first two years in Denver were when things began to unravel for me. No one was praising me anymore for getting up early to read my bible. David wasn't really interested in going to church or reading his bible everyday. I sat in seminary classes and became more confused than ever by all the different ways to translate scripture. I became exposed to the world around me and saw some not so pretty stuff. HOLY SHIT. Faith is not a matter of black and white answers! Why do some people not have a home when others live in mansions? I don't know. How could God let some kids starve when I get to eat out all the time? I don't know. Why didn't I "feel" as close to God as I did when I was working at camp? I don't know. Why was the church shunning homosexuals or AIDS victims when they are the ones Jesus would have loved the most? I don't know. Why does the church I go to seem to care more about their new building campaign than the people without a winter coat down the street? I don't know. Why did all the "godly and submissive" wives I know really seem to be resentful and angry along with emotionally unhealthy? I don't know. With 6 Billion people on the planet, how could there only be one road to heaven? I REALLY don't know.

Then there I was in year four of living away from Answerville. For the first time since high school I have gay friends and alcoholic friends and party friends and Buddist friends and Latino friends. David and I were attending a church that cares more for their neighbors than whether the sermon envoked an emotional response. We still believed in God and had faith, it just looked incredibly different than it did before. Things were grey, and I was at peace with myself and in my relationships.

You know what is coming next, don't you. David decided that more than anything else he was passionate about people discovering their cultural identities and applied to several PhD programs, one of which was KU. I was pregnant, so we moved on home and immediately went through shell shock. I hadn't kept up with many people from high school when I was more free, so I jumped back in with the college crowd. I figured I could be my new, open-minded self even with my old friends. I'm sad to report that for the most part those friendships have not worked out very well. We had based our friendships on being like-minded in our faith, and since I now see faith as just a part of my life instead of my whole life it was hard to know where to begin with people. We also began at a church that didn't fit so well with our new selves either.

And so for the past year we have been left to again define who we are, what we want to teach our son about life, and who we want to associate with. We are not sure about the typical, evangelical, American church. So, we haven't gone to church very much. We love our gay neighbors and family members who have never "proclaimed Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior." We try not to say things anymore like, "God is so good" or "God has a plan" because sometimes the world is pretty crappy. We are registered democrats because we believe that people need help. And you know what? No one knows for sure what happens when you die. I do believe there is a beautiful place like heaven, but I also think there will be a lot more people there than I ever imagined.

So, to close my longest blog post ever, no, we are not cynical anti-Christians. Yes, we are going to raise Thomas as part of a church community. (We think we found one yesterday www.saintandrewcc.org that could be a good fit). Yes, we believe in God and that Jesus Christ was his Son who came into the world and died for us. Yes, we believe the church's main role is to promote social justice and civil rights, not to get your friends to come hang out with you over a donut. Yes, we are praying for soft, understanding hearts, especially with our friends who the black and white answers still work for. And no, we hope never to jump back into the hard-core evangelical circles we have both worked hard to break free from. Oh and no, we probably won't promote Young Life or Youth Group to Thomas unless it aligns with our/his values. Everything else we aren't sure about, but I do know one thing. Sometimes, even when your personal shopper that you won a free session with at an auction tells you grey isn't a good color for you, grey can be a pretty beautiful color, especially when you only used to wear black or white.

Am I Marriage Material?

So we are becoming good friends with our neighbors. They came over for dinner on Tuesday night and told us about a fight they recently had about the cleanliness level of their house. The husband mentioned that our house is always clean when he comes over (which it is, I admit), and the wife, who works full-time, began to brim with frustration. "Why don't you just marry Adrienne then!" she shouted.

Now just so you know I did not have many dates in high school or a long line of men who wanted to marry me. I was slightly flattered that the cleanliness of my house would cause a dispute and therefore charge to marry me. However, it was extremely easy to come up with some good reasons why our neighbor may not want to consider his wife's proposal. In a true wifely confession format, here we go:

1. I am a grump in the morning. I don't speak to anyone until at least 9am. I've been known to bite David's head off for saying, "Good Morning, Beautiful."
2. I'm pretty selfish with how I want to spend money. If it were up to me we would spend all our extra money on clothes and things only for me. Maybe I would get a few things for Thomas, but definitely nothing for David.
3. I may have trained myself about how to be a good housekeeper, but I CAN'T cook. I would eat the same thing every night for dinner (a bowl of cereal) and be happy.
4. The bat wing factor. Enough Said.
5. I can never make up my mind. I have to change my mind about a decision at least 12 times before settling in to something. Tommy's music teacher knows this to be the case. This semester I have switched from the Thursday to the Tuesday to the Wednesday class.
6. I am impulsive and intense about certain topics.
7. I have two brothers that would kick the ass of any man that ever hurt me. To say they were skeptical of David at first is an understatement.

I DO however, excel in other areas. Pretty big areas, if I do say so myself. So here are some things my neighbor might want to at least consider, you know if David decides the above list is too much for him.

1. I have a HIGH sex drive for about one week a month. And I love sex once you get me going.
2. For the most part after 9am I am pretty easy going, friendly, and loving.
3. My house is always clean, for the most part.
4. I'm funny.
5. I'm very creative.

So there you have it. Let the proposals roll in.

Book Review-Yes Ma'am.

I was honestly really disappointed in this book. I thought its predecessor, Preparation for Parenting (Or Baby Wise) was really helpful, but I gained very little from this read. I think I might need to read the Growing Kids God's Way version.

The only thing we are implementing from this theory is to have Thomas respond when we give instructions with a "Yes, Mommy or No, Mommy" and to continue to create structure and routine in his day. We had considered carrying on the Lisenby tradition of having him say "Yes, Ma'am and Yes, Sir," but David doesn't want his own son to call him "Sir." Plus, David's parents never made the transition out of this stage and still expect a "Yes, Sir" from us today. I think Ma'am and Sir has brought a degree of formality in the Lisenby family that I do not want with my kids. Thomas will be required to answer with more than a "What? or Yeah?" though, which is what I did as a kid.

Does anyone have any other suggestions on favorite parenting books? How does (did) manner training work in your house? I'm kind of on a roll of creating structure and routine after reading Dr. Ferber's sleep book and Toddler Wise.

Funny Faces

Does anyone know why my son will smile for the camera when he is alone in a picture but not when there are other people involved? Below is an example of my dilemma. This is my friend Carly from high school (also a bridesmaid in our wedding and namesake of the family dog) with her new son Peyton back in KC. Tommy wants nothing to do with smiling in this picture or other recent family shots. At least Carly and Peyton look good!

Santa Fe

Santa Fe is my kind of place. I love it there. In fact, the SW is my kind of region...laid back, environmentally friendly, fun, culture, unique shopping, etc. Here are some of my favorite pictures from our 3-day trip.

What the Cabin is Like...

I used to put pictures of a white Jeep Wrangler in my dad's briefcase when I was 15 just to make sure he knew what kind of car I wanted. It didn't work out for me then, but I get to drive this white jeep here.

The area is so close to New Mexico that there is definitely a Southwestern flare. I love these address tiles my parents got in Taos last year. I've slowly been adding a little SW touch to my house myself.

These black-eyed susans are outside the kitchen window. I love these flowers.

The rest are just some pictures so you can see what it is like here. The first is the view from the driveway in front. Next is the front of the cabin. It has 3 bedrooms and 2 baths. The flowers are my mom's wildflower garden where I usually check my e-mail b/c the signal is the strongest outside. There is a hammock in the back among the evergreens and aspens to take a little snooze before the afternoon rains. And the bridge goes over the pond that Tommy constantly wants to swim in.

Chillin'

We are back at the cabin until the 15th. For this trip we are planning our annual trip to Taos, meeting some Wilderness friends for hikes near hippie towns, reading "Toddler Wise" to learn more about our crazy 20 month old, and watching Sunset Tan on cable. Today we went to feed some carrots to miniature horses while we acclimate to the 9000 feet. Now that we have internet here, I'm going to try to post every few days so readers can get a feel for what the cabin is like. Right now I have a bad altitude headache but am sitting outside while I type in front of my mom's wildflower garden. Thunder is rolling down the valley and humming birds are swarming the feeder David just filled up. It smells like evergreen. Beautiful.

Creative Activity of the Week

I'm trying to be structured enough to do at least one craft or creative project with Thomas per week. This week we are learning about polar bears. We went to the library to get some books on the topic and have been crawling around with white socks on our hands. Thomas latched on to this activity at baby music and has been doing it constantly ever since.

This whole summer at Kindermusik we have been learning about animals at the zoo. Yesterday we made animal cookies for our music friends and iced them together. In case you can't tell from the picture, there are polar bears, purple elephants, lions, and giraffes. Thomas is starting to ask for his friends by name on a daily basis, so it will be fun to hand deliver these plates of cookies to Todd, Sadie, Georgia, Piper, and a few other music friends! :)

Attempt #2

Here is the 2nd attempt at the train cake. I forgot to get the stuff to make black wheels, but I would say overall this one is an improvement. The stars are a lot closer together and the colors look brighter. Next time I'll be making the cake itself from scratch as well as trying cream cheese icing. I will also outline the whole thing in white instead of red. My food critics, Tommy and Georgia, gave this cake 3 stars.

Thomas Update

My baby is 20 months old now. Twenty months means we are almost out of saying months. This Fall we will probably say, "He'll be 2 in November." People tell me all the time how fast these years go, but it has been so different than I thought it would be. Our days at home together seem long...there is so much time to be present with my baby as the day drags on. But then some nights I can't believe he has already gone to bed. I occasionally miss a whole day of special moments with Tommy Sam. I realize then how short this time is, and how just yesterday he was calling his trains GA-GA's, yet today he calls them Choo-Choos.

My little boy is sweet. His personality has really come out over the last few months. Especially in a new or overwhelming situation, he is a quiet observer, slow to jump in. He is very affectionate and kind. Once he gets his bearings, he slowly begins to engage. He likes to be a big ham when there are no other kids around. In a group of kids, however, he is pretty shy, content to play with one or two others at a time. When we have family time in the evenings, he laughs and laughs and loves to wrestle. He doesn't like it when anyone else is sad or in trouble, although he gets in trouble at least once a day. Right now it is for throwing things when he is angry. His anger comes out in short bursts and then goes away. He is like me in that way.

One way he is far more like David is his persistence. He is content to play with one toy for hours and doesn't look for mischief. He will sit and watch an hour movie with no problem. He doesn't really get into things yet except for taking his diaper off at night. I can't figure out what his love language is going to be. He is not a big cuddler, so I don't think it is physical touch. We'll see. I just wanted you all to hear some things about my baby today.

The Eulogy I Would Have Given

David's beloved grandmother passed away on July 10th. We spent the weekend in Houston attending her funeral and other services. Louisianans are awesome. When someone passes away the friends of the deceased have a craw fish boil for the whole family. It was a beautiful weekend of remembering and being grateful for the long life GG had. She made a book of things to remember for her grandchildren and had a bag of her things set aside for me. I was so honored, considering I am just the granddaughter-in-law. Here is the eulogy or toast I would have given and that I will send to Tom-Tom next week when things die down for him a bit.

A Rare and Precious Gem

My grandmothers both passed away when I was in high school. Looking back, I can see that college was a rather rough time for me. I didn't have anyone in the grandmother role guiding me through life. I needed a mentor. I needed a strong, capable woman who would teach me important things about being an adult and transitioning into the real world. God knew this couldn't be just any woman. It had to be a solid rock.

God gave me GG. In May 2002 at David's graduation from college I met GG for the first time. We immediately clicked. She embraced me from the first moment we interacted, dragging me into family pictures, teasing me about not wearing any make-up, teaching me how to shell crab. She was a breath of fresh air in what had seemed like an eternity of waiting for a grandmother again. She was INCLUSIVE, WARM, STRONG, and cared enough to know me on more than just a surface level.

At our rehearsal dinner GG went up to my youngest brother and proclaimed the following in her deep southern drawl, "Well hello, I haven't met you yet. I'm David's grandmother, GG. GG stands for Gorgeous Grandmother. Have you met my granddaughter yet? She's about your age. She's a gem just like me."

My brother still laughs about the impression GG made on him in those few moments. You have to be quite the character to go around telling 17-year-olds that you are a gem. But GG described herself perfectly. A gem. Hmmm. Like most words I hold in my brain for more than an second, I googled its meaning. A gem: something that is valued for its beauty or perfection. A beloved or highly prized person. The perfect description for GG.

For the past 6 years I have had the wonderful opportunity to get to know the rare stone God brought into my life. Through lunches or phone calls I learned things not just like how to train your husband to get you whatever you want and how to make gumbo but how to give money away, how to include ALL family members in your life, what true faith looks like, and how to give thoughtful gifts. GG always sent me a check for my birthday with a note that said, "This is just for you. Go do something special, and don't let David get his grubby hands on it." I will miss those notes.

When my son Thomas (who was named after GG's husband Tom-Tom) was born, GG began teaching me how to be a mother. She flew up to our home within a month of Tommy's birth for a weekend of "meeting the baby." Once, when she didn't know I was listening, she began telling Thomas important things about life. "ALWAYS be nice to your mother," she said. "ALWAYS remember how much your GG loves you." "NEVER fart unless there is a dog in the room." It was that weekend that GG told me she thought I would be an excellent mother. It is one of the highest compliments I've ever received.

As I transitioned into the role of being a stay-at-home mom GG and I began a new tradition. We had "Girl Chat" every Friday afternoon during nap time. It was in these chats that she listened to me wine about all the baby weight I still had to lose (she did say that any diet that doesn't include at least a glass of wine every day was no good), she answered questions about mothering, and she showed interest in anything I was doing. She made me feel VALUED and SPECIAL. I realized that GG had a special relationship like this not with just me, but with all her granddaughters, family members, and friends. She had a gift for making others feel like a prized and rare gem. One time when she called at our appointed time on a Friday afternoon, David answered the phone. She was mad that he was home from work early that day because girl chat with him around would just not be the same.

A gem: something that is valued for its beauty and perfection. A beloved or highly prized person. I can't help but think of GG sparkling up in heaven in her own unique way.

David and I lost a baby to miscarriage on the 4th of July, just six days before GG passed. We have found great comfort in knowing that when GG arrived at the pearly gates of heaven on July 10, 2008 one of the first things she did was find our unborn child and say, "Well, Hello. I'm GGG, your Gorgeous Great-Grandmother. I'm going to take care of you until your parents get here. Let's sit down so I can teach you some of my bits of wisdom about life." GG, a highly prized person indeed.

Train Cake---Attempt #1

I've decided that if I'm not going to be a very good cook the least I can do for my kids is make them bad ass birthday cakes each year. I'm signing up for a cake decorating class at Michaels and going to give it a go. Today I did a little trial run with my new train cake mold-the longing of Tommy's heart for his 2nd Birthday in November. (At least I am hoping he still longs for trains by then). My goal is to try this cake every few weeks until I come up with the perfect design and flavor for his b-day party. Call me over the top, but I know you are secretly excited to watch the train cake evolve over the next few months. Tips are always welcome, however extra pounds from this new creative outlet are not. PS-Can you believe I actually took the time to make all those little stars?

Here's what I will change on this one for next time...
1. Make the red icing RED (not peachy-orange) using Wilton food dye with pink icing
2. Make the wheels black, not white
3. Find some sort of people to go in the windows?
4. Something must be done about the taste of this cake. Today I just did the cake itself from a box b/c I wanted to see how the mold worked, but I'm seeking out recipes for cakes from scratch that work well in molds.
5. Do not use White Chocolate Frosting, yuck.
6. Buy the actual icing bags instead of using ziplocks.
7. I want to have box cars attached to the back of the cake and a caboose. I'm thinking sugar cookies for that part.
8. Build some sort of edible track.
9. Do the outside edges with white.
10. Make the stars even smaller so there is more icing. It was a little skimpy.

Cow Appreciation Day

If you dressed like a cow today at Chick-Fil-A you got a free meal! Since eating isn't really Tommy's thing, I got to eat his kid's meal!

Cabin Pictures.

I thought I should get these pictures up before we go back to the cabin in a few weeks. The girls in the 1st photo are the Shep girls, daughters of my friends from college. Their Papa has a cabin in the same neighborhood as ours! Happy Viewing.

Tampons in Vaginas

We are obviously still grieving the loss of our little baby (see below post), but I had to post a conversation I overheard today. I was taking a short walk around the block just trying to get outside this morning when I heard 3 teenage boys hanging out in a driveway. One of them started to ride away on his bike when his friend yelled after him, "You have a huge tampon in your vagina!" Even after losing a baby, I had to laugh the whole walk home.

Miscarriage

I'm so sad to post that we lost our baby last week to miscarriage. We know the little guy or gal is in heaven and just wasn't ready to come into the world, but we are pretty devastated. If any of you have stories of people having successful pregnancies after miscarriage or infertility please let me know. I think some success stories would really encourage us right now. Also pray for direction, because in the next 6 or so weeks while I recover from this we will need to decide about fertility drugs, hormone therapies, going back on the pill, adoption, etc. My body was not producing enough hormones to keep the baby alive, which could obviously be a problem in subsequent pregnancies. For now though, good-bye baby. I loved you from the moment I found out about you.

Night Night

I have been so tired lately that I actually drove by a highway median yesterday and thought, "I could lay down there and sleep for at least 8 hours." Other places I have thought about curling up for a little nap include: 1. The Chick-Fil-A play space; 2. The end of my driveway while Tommy plays while sidewalk chalk; 3. The landing of a slide at the park; 4. My bathroom floor; 5. The Merry-Go-Round at the mall--I thought the motion might help the nausea; 6. My yoga mat in the middle of class. Night night.

In Mourning

I'm mourning the loss of something very important in my life: the ability to sleep on my stomach. Oh how quickly I had forgotten what a terrible night slumber without belly time makes. You see, at only 8 weeks my uterus is already started to expand, even though I've successfully not gained any weight yet. (!!) As soon as I naturally and comfortably roll over in my perfect sleep position my bladder gets compressed. I've even tried angling my legs out at 90 degrees or wedging myself into a side/belly position. To no avail. I will miss you, my sweet stomach, for more reasons than just the ability to sleep on you soundly. I will see you again for sleeping in about 7 months. For non-jelly rolls in about 2 years, and for bikinis probably never. Back and sides here I come.

Goals for Pregnancy #2

1. Gain less than 50lbs. this time. Any number less than 50 will be seen as successful, although the normal 25-35 range would be ideal especially considering I'm starting 10 lbs. higher than I did with #1.
-Meet this goal by starting off trimester #1 with less than a 5lb. gain, making healthy choices, staying away from fast food,
especially Taco Bell, only give into Winsteads once a week, minimal pop and one dessert or less per day

2. Exercise regularly, including walking, weights, elliptical machine, and yoga 5-6 times a week. (I only went for the occasional walk last time).

3. Enjoy the process knowing that the bodily ailments will be over soon enough and that this will probably be my last pregnancy.

4. Try to keep complaining about huge boobs, back spasms, thunder thighs, bat arms, and calf cramps to a minimum except for the occasional rant on this blog.

5. Practice thinking positive thoughts about getting up at night by getting out of bed happily when my alarm goes off at 6:15 each day. Yes, I know this will be much different when it is 12, 3, and 6am, but at least I can point myself in the right direction.

Probably more to come as we go along...

She's Coming Back

You read it here first. Pretty much to the day I lost all my baby weight I am pregnant again! WhooHoo! We are so excited. We got to hear the heartbeat today, and Thomas thought the sound was a choo-choo train. He also wanted to be the one to "color" mommy's belly with the jelly stuff. I think when it is time to find out the sex he will be staying at Grammy's for a few hours. I am 6 weeks along and due on February 12th. This puts Tommy and Baby Lisenby at exactly 2 years and 3 months apart. We can't believe it! Congratulations to us!

French Kiss

Just so you know, Thomas does not kiss with the top of his head anymore. When he is in the mood to give me a kiss he goes for it with a wide open mouth. It is like a huge, slobbery french kiss. Yes, I make-out with my son as often as he will let me. It's the most beautiful thing in the world.

Breakfast Sausage

Thomas said, "Breakfast Sausage" this morning. It was funny.

Another Book Review

I was assigned this book for my summer school class at Rockhurst. Rockhurst's program is focused on social justice, and I am LOVING it. This book is excellent. Finally a book that has made me truly think about my role in society. I want to work in schools to promote justice, and this book accurately describes the state of urban school districts. Why isn't tax money more evenly distributed for schools? Why don't we bus students to schools outside our neighborhoods in order to desegregate? How can I make sure Thomas is around people who don't look like him but not necessarily compromise his education or make him the minority? Are magnet schools a good or a bad thing? These are some of the questions I am asking myself after reading this book. The conditions of urban schools are disgusting...raw sewage, non-working toilets, students standing in the back of classrooms due to lack of space, teachers sleeping through the classes they are assigned to teach, text books 5 and 6 grades below a student's grade level, etc. So much work to do...

Book Review

David heard about this book on NPR and gave it to me for Mother's Day. It is a compilation of essays from different journalists who have either chosen to work, stay-home, or something in-between. I liked the book immediately as it provides an educated angle to what I've been battling with for the past few years. To work or stay home? To work part-time or full-time? To stay home and then go back to work? This book gives insight into all those questions. The biggest thing I learned is that every woman and family has a different system that works for them. I personally want to work and am getting the certification I need to do so. I also value staying home. Many of my friends want to stay home full-time. I didn't realize this was such a hot topic until I read the reviews on the book when I was done reading it. Women are so caddy!

Headed West...

Yesterday we did our annual early summer pilgrimage to Colorado. For the past 12 years I have journeyed to the mountains in either May or June for various jobs and vacations. This year will will enjoy 2 weeks now and 2 weeks in August of hiking, reading, shopping, reflecting, and adventures. We have Internet here now, so feel free to e-mail me.

It Happened Today.

I was out to dinner at Chili's (my fav) with Thomas. David was working late, and we were killing time before music class sharing our mutual love of carbohydrates. I was wearing a sleeveless shirt (my first of the season); Thomas was wearing his train engineer hat and his "Mommy Digs Me" shirt. The waiter sat us down in a 2-man booth. Thomas was in his highchair to my right. Both of us were happily tanking up on chips and salsa when the catastrophe occurred. Thomas began to choke a little bit on a chip. He was coughing it up, and I did the typical mom thing. I reached over to pat his back until it came up. That is when I noticed it. Surely it couldn't be happening to me. As I was patting Tommy's back the bottom of my arms jiggled. And not just a little jiggle. A lot of jiggle. BAT WING JIGGLE. Yes. It is official. Today I became aware that I have bat wing arms.

I've always known about my unfortunate arm composition, however I thought what I lacked in thinness I could make up for in muscle. For years I've lifted weights to "sculpt" my upper body. Yet unfortunately it appears that even with all this work genetics have won. And you know what? I'm ready to embrace the bats. My great-grandmother Mae, who I have inherited most of my gene pool from, had bats. I remember crawling up on her wheelchair on the 4th of July and watching her arms swoosh and swash a little too close to my face. She always felt so cuddly. I felt safe tucked in beneath her squishy, large wings. These snuggle sessions occurred before I was banned from her lap for pulling her hair to see if it was a wig. My older cousin promised me a whole sheet of fuzzy feet stickers if I would check. It wasn't a wig. She had real hair, and I brought Jeff down with me when I was sent to time-out for an HOUR after my curious escapade.

And so, while some may take my observation as a kick-start to do 1000 push-ups a day, I am not going to change a thing. My husband, as you can see from the picture, digs bats both as animals and as loose skin. And when my child, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren crawl into my lap they too will feel the warm embrace of wings enveloping them.

(Title of this post in honor of Michele)

New Years Resolution Update

Thomas and I have been busy during the week going to the park. We've gone almost every day this week to a different park, and he loves it. I love being outside. Not much else is going on right now. We are waiting for David to finish up finals so we can head to the cabin for 2 weeks! Then we will be home for June and July and go back out there in August. I can't wait to smell mountain air and see my CO friends!

Here's the New Years Update 6 months in:

1. Be less judgmental about how other people spend money, especially extremely wealthy people.
Callie's wedding was a big gauge for me in this. I'm starting to realize that everyone has something they spend money on.
For some, it is travel. For my dad it is golf clubs. Home decorating, cars, school, and toys also might be options. So
basically God gave us all the money we have and we get to choose how we spend it. Just because I choose differently than
others doesn't mean I'm bad or they are bad. It's just different. I still have some work to do about my first response to not
be judgment, and I also have some work to do in giving my own money away more often and promoting justice in my own
community. I still don't know how to not judge those of us who have A LOT and don't give much away. Maybe it's just me,
but the wealthiest people in my life are the least generous. That is where I get stuck. Thoughts? I'd love to engage on this
topic.

2. Get up every week day by 6:30am.
I had a slump for a month or so when I was sleeping until Thomas woke me up, but I think I am out of that now. I like
going to the gym a few mornings a week at 5:30, so I've been trying to make that happen. I'm also realizing that I can
function pretty well on 6-7 hours of sleep instead of 8-9. That has been a mental shift for me, the girl who loves to sleep.

3. Choose not to feel guilty about adding the career piece of myself back into my life.
Classes this semester are done, and this Spring has been the best season as a mother yet. While I've loved having
something for myself, I've also realized somewhere along the way that I do not want to go back to work full-time.

4. Go on more cultural dates with my husband.
Bad here. I can't think of any interesting things we have done for the past few months. I've enjoyed my book club lately
and am excited to start reading 'The Artist's Way' this summer with a group of creative women. Hopefully David and I can
get out of suburbia together several times this summer.

5. Take pictures that help me create a story through writing.
I haven't taken that many pictures lately, but I'm kind of holding out for my friend's photography class in August. One
creative project I have been working on is a journal for Thomas. Every couple of days I write something he did or thoughts
I have. I hope to continue it throughout his childhood and give it to him when becomes an adult. David and I want to
climb a peak with him the summer after he graduates and bless him as a man. I'll probably give it to him then.

6. When I have the choice, make the more simple decision 60% of the time.
I've decided this one goes hand in hand with my confidence levels. When I am confident about the direction we want our
family to go, it is easy for me to make simple, good decisions. When I start wavering or people pleasing, I don't think
through whether a decision fits our values and desire for simplicity well.

My fruit of the spirit that I am going to focus on/read about/try to live out this year is faithfulness.
I'm still struggling here. I just don't know what this looks like as well with my role as a mom. Reading my bible, being in a
study or a MOPS group, joining our new church???

KU Victory Parade

Book Reviews

I've read two excellent books lately.

1. A Thousand Splendid Suns
This one is going on my top-10 list for sure. I liked it even better than 'The Kite Runner' because it was the story of two women. I LOVED this book. By far one of my best reads of all-time. That is all I'm going to say because you need to read it yourself.

2. Baby-Proofing Your Marriage
I really wish I would have read this book and others like it after Thomas was born. It normalized a ton of what David and I went through in those early months. Probably the best tip the authors gave was to take a time-out in your relationship from the weeks before the baby comes to the time the kid sleeps through the night. Man, I wish we would have had this perspective. It would have solved all those late night fights about nothing but the fact that we were both exhausted.

It's Time to Confess...

I don't think I am a baby person. Babies are sweet and smell good, but I LOVE the stage little Tommy is in right now. He is 17.5 months and can run and play and does TONS of signs. He brings me toys and asks for help with them. He is interested in new people or things he has never seen before. Everything is such an exciting adventure. This morning we went to the garden nursery and bought some flowers for our pots. He pointed at each type of flower and did the sign for flower...two sniffs. When I let him carry one of the flowers to the car, he smiled and signed, "Thank you, Mommy." Then we went through the drive-through at Starbucks, and from his car-seat he kept telling the man at the window, "Momma. Drink." (Yes we go through this drive-through a lot, but I have to have something to replace my diet pop addiction I'm trying to kick). Next up was the library, where the librarian helped us find a book about elephants and one about gorillas. Tommy and David went to the zoo in Oklahoma City last weekend, and those were his two favorite animals. He wouldn't let the books go when it was time to check-out until he showed the lady the signs for both animals. Lastly, on the way home we saw a train. Instead of Choo Choo, Tommy says CAW CAW!! Oh how I love my little bugaboo. These are pictures from the last month or so. I couldn't find my camera cord for awhile.

DaaDaDaaDa DaaDaDaaDa

I observed a 3rd grade class the other day. The kids were working on similes. I always liked similes.
Here are some that pertain to my current life:

1. Elmo is as cool to Thomas as a movie star.
2. Ryan Gosling is as hot as fire.
3. When we see the stuffed Elmo at the library Thomas is like a drooling, love-sick puppy.
4. If Ryan Gosling ever came to my house to make-out with me, I would melt like butter.

That's right. Elmo and Ryan G. are the kings in this house. Oh and David you are hot and super-cool too. (Don't worry, David has given me full permission to make-out with Ryan with no aftermath if he ever comes to our house). But here's a question for you: What is it about Elmo that makes him the main attraction of Sesame Street? I mean, I truly think if Thomas ever got to touch the actual Elmo he would be like the girl in my dad's high school class who touched one of the Beatles and didn't wash her hand again until it turned black and was getting infected.

Inner Athlete Squashed

I had my free personal training session today at the new gym we joined. I sensed it was going to be bad when the trainer left the following message on my answering machine: "Adrienne, Hi how ARE you. This is Wendy from the gym. I'd love to meet with you this week to talk about getting some of this weight I'm seeing on your chart off. Can you come in tomorrow at 6am?"

Uh no. I'm not coming to the gym at 6am to have my ass kicked by this 5'8"-solid muscled-no ounce of fat-drill Sargent. So we made an appointment for 11:30am. Much more my style.

When I joined the gym I was about 10lbs. heavier than I thought I would be. I put the scale away last month because I was getting a little obsessed. I had weighed in for the gym at the end of the day with my clothes on, so according to my previous Weight Watchers friends I was asking for it. But considering all my previous work to lose 30lbs. this year I truly thought I was ready to run with the big dogs. (see my previous post). I know I still have some weight to get off in order to be in peak condition, but I've been feeling great lately, not eating as much crap, and working out 5 days a week.

Enter Wendy. My worst nightmare. When God dealt out empathy she didn't get any. First she showed me some chart that compared me to other 5'3", 28-year-old women. I was "far below average." I would have to lose 38 pounds and weigh 104 to be above average like Wendy (so humbly) pointed out she is. I'm pretty sure in 4th grade I weighed more than 104. Wendy went on to measure me with some pincher thing and mentioned I had quite a few extra "inches" in my chest area. I chuckled and told her the whole shrinking boobs after breastfeeding story was a myth for me. She didn't find me very humorous. Next I had to do a step-test in a skirt. Still trying to get this non-human woman to have a little fun, I asked her where she grew up. "I went to Northwest," she grunted. That's where I went too! Finally something we can agree on. She asked me if I played sports. I told her about my 4 years on the C-team of Cross Country and Track. Grunts. This All-American Volleyball, Basketball, and Track star was not impressed that my parents live next door to Coach Rose now.

Then Wendy and I sat down for a little talk. She asked me why I am in the "far below average" category. When I gave her my sob story about how I felt like hell during pregnancy, only ate Speghetti-O's and cookie cake for 9 months, gained 55 lbs, didn't workout at all, and then had a 4th degree tear during delivery and couldn't exercise for 6 months postpartum she smirked and told me I was at risk for diabetes and heart problems. She stated with people like me who don't seem to value a healthy body it's best to try to scare them into getting to work. I was scared. Scared of this freaky man-woman. Then we walked around for a minute while she showed me how to do a bicep curl and told me not to press "Quick Start" on the treadmill.

Wendy's recommendation for me was to workout 2 hours a day, eat 1200 calories or less of lean protein and complex carbs, and drink more water. Oh and she wants me to come back for 4 more training sessions and pay her $250. Have a nice life, Wendall, I mean Wendy. I'm going to continue to do what I can with the body composition I was born with and not worry about weighing 104. Oh and just so you know, I ate 2 oreos just now, hoe.

CHALMERS THREEEEEEE!

We went to the KU Victory Parade yesterday in Lawrence. Crowds swarmed the players like they were movie stars as they rode by in convertibles. It was crazy. Tommy LOVED it. He thought the whole parade was just for him and clapped the entire time.

I've been trying to think about what would be the equivalent of hitting a last minute 3-point shot to win the National Championship of College Basketball in my life. Mario Chalmers had to feel absolutely exhiliterated. I'm sure he will NEVER get tired of watching the replay of those few moments. For me I thought about completing a marathon. Like Chalmers, it was something I worked really hard for, but for some reason it didn't feel quite right. Then I thought about giving birth. Glorious, but still didn't fit. Being a Wilderness Guide for three summers? There were definitely a few moments on the trail that brought "glorious and inexpressible joy," but no.

Side note: I watched the video of Tommy's 1st Birthday Party randomly today. I couldn't believe it was me on tape. There I was, a beautiful wavy haired, MOM. I was so happy that day. So present. The tape shows me as a confident in the moment woman. I wasn't getting side-tracked by my stupid in-laws or the 10lbs. I still had to lose. I could have watched myself again and again.

Back to Mario. This morning it hit me that the equivelient of hitting a 3-point shot to win it all for me is being present in each moment and content with my circumstances. When I got up and was able to recognize how fortunate I am to have a loving husband, a beautiful son, an amazing house, great family, a good brain, a working body, etc. it helped me to take advantage of each moment today. Pushing Tommy in his swing and soaking in what he looks like right now and how happy he is to be outside...LISENBY THREE! Realizing I'll never get the moment back that David walked in the door this afternoon and giving him a huge kiss...LISENBY THREE! I could go on and on, but staying present and content...that is my big shot.

Some Things I Did Today

My pal from college has been posting on her blog a list of 100 things she wants to do before she goes. I thought about doing the same, but lists of many things that don't end up getting done make me feel guilty. Plus, who knows how life is going to unfold. I could have never put on a list 5 years ago, "Decorate a suburb house," but that is what I've spent some time doing this year. In the spirit of being mindful and present, here are a few things I've done today:

1. Watched Alec Baldwin on Sesame Street
2. Made a note for Tommy's Texas grandparents by helping him put on stickers and put it in the mailbox
3. Folded clothes with Tommy and had a sock-ball war
4. Read "Where's Spot?" 3 times out of order
5. Sat still on the couch while my son lifted up my shirt to see my button at least 100 times.
6. Laughed at an 17-month-old who still wants to sit in his take-along swing to watch Barney
7. Talked to two friends on the phone
8. Blew my nose about once every 10 minutes from a sinus infection
9. Had my hair pulled. Hard.
10. Received 4-5 kisses with the top of a head.

Kansans Unite!

If you are not from Kansas you may not understand this post. People here are CRAZY about their sports teams. I mean nuts. I haven't noticed this kind of support in the other cities where I've lived. I LOVE sports, especially basketball. I couldn't be more excited that the Kansas Jayhawks are in the Championship Game tomorrow night. I've watched them all season long and can very vividly remember when they won it all in 1988. Danny Manning and Larry Brown were my idols. In the 1990's I had posters in my room of Jarred Haas and Jacque Vaughn. My whole life I've cheered for the Hawks...even when I transferred to K-State.

I know going to Kansas for one year and then transferring to KSU for 2.5 years is a unique situation, but come on Wildcats. Why can't you be happy that a school in your state is winning? I get the rivalry, but I know my dad would cheer for Missouri in the National Championship Game even though he hates them. It looks good for the Big 12 Conference if someone represents. Some of my friends here have recently crossed the line of fun. Especially Wildcats that say they won't cheer for KU Monday night or Jayhawks that would Boo Roy Williams. Roy was like a distant father to me, and he has the right to change his mind about where home is for him (even though he didn't do it perfectly). I love KU basketball. I love the town of Manhattan, KS. I know I am a rare bird (cat?), but maybe a little neutrality and love for my whole state is not such a bad thing. Pull yourselves together, Kansans, and let's all root for KU tomorrow night at 8pm.

Holy Cow.

Did anyone know that a Chipotle burrito with NO sour cream or guacamole has 1,000 calories? Crap.

Inner Athlete Unleashed

I've spent so much time trying to get baby weight on and then off the past two years that I forgot I am an athlete. I joined a gym last month that unleashed my athlete-self again. One day last week I worked out so hard I almost threw up. It's been a LONG time. And it felt awesome. Where did athlete Adrienne go?

There is no better feeling than pushing my body almost over the edge. I've been running again, doing cardio on the stair master or elliptical machines and lifting weights. And not wimpy girl weights. Strong woman weights. My goal is to continue to tone up and slim down over the next few months. It is almost like when I became pregnant I forgot that I ran 2 marathons, was a backpacking guide, and even was the second best female runner in camp for 2 summers. I was strong. And fast. And I'm starting to see that again. I love to sweat, and I need to call myself an athlete to make sweating a priority in my life.

Now that working out has become consistent for 6 straight months, it's time to work on the eating again. I can only do one thing at a time. I'm really going to give myself grace here though and cut out the bad stuff slowly and not altogether. Thomas is starting to notice what I eat and wants what is on my plate. This fact has made me more aware that if I wouldn't feed it to my baby it's probably not best for me either. A good example is cookie cake for breakfast. A note to self: If your son is signing for a cookie at 8am because he sees one on your plate you are probably not modeling well.

Oh and the great thing about this gym is that a bunch of 'real' athletes go there. So that means their kids are in the playroom. So Thomas gets to learn from tall kids. The other day he made friends with Garrison. Garrison's dad was in the NBA for awhile. I've found myself already wanting my son to succeed in athletics but deep down know his only chance is to be quick and coordinated. He's just not going to be very big. But like his momma he has a big heart and a lot of determination. He did knock a kid down when hunting for Easter Eggs recently, and Garrison taught him how to go head first down the slide. We have a little Rudy in the making.