5 Years...

Last Friday night David and I celebrated our 5th Wedding Anniversary. We are relieved to have this much time under our belts and look forward to the growth and celebrations that will happen in the next 5 years. There is a certain peace we both have now, knowing that David is the exact right man for me, and I am the exact right woman for him. It took 2-3 years to get that part down. Now we can move on to easier tweaking, like how to fight fairly, how to know each other, and how to truly love the other person in the ways they need to be loved. For those of you that haven't known us through the 5 years we've been together our road has not been very easy. In fact, I'm still pretty surprised we made it 3 years. A friend of mine recently described her first 2 years of marriage as "Bliss." Our description? "Hell." But even with that I am more convinced than ever that God put us together to refine us both and to show us His love. I am WAY more in love with my husband today than I was on our wedding day. We can now look at each other and confidently say, "We have a good marriage. I'm glad I married you."

Here are a few things we are currently working on:

1. Not going to our shutdown modes when we get angry. My mode is to get more angry. David's is to fall silent. (Which makes me more angry). I have really worked for 2 years or so about my upper limit of anger and not going beyond it.

2. Re-Defining our beliefs in God/Christianity. Our beliefs have changed a ton since we met in the ultra-evangelical, conservative, black and white world of Wilderness Ranch. We are editing through and trying to keep the good but toss out the bad.

3. David needs to be loved through doing things together. I need to be loved through connecting on an emotional level. SO, I need to go for more runs with him, but he is trying to sit down and talk with me. The perfect combo for us? A walk with a talk.

4. More cultural dates---also a New Year's Resolution for me. We want to be out of our bubble as often as we can. Right now we are committing to at least once a month leaving our suburb. We go to the art museum, to Chicago, to an authentic restaurant, to a cultural movie, to a festival, etc.

5. Separating from our families of origin. I know, I know, it seems like we should be over this by now, but especially with David's family it has been really difficult to break away in healthy ways and become our own unit. My family tends to push us out of the nest (in a good way). David's family would love it if we lived in the same nest as they do, had the same faith and political views they do, dressed the same way they do, and really valued money like they do. Now you can see why it's been a little tricky. And no, none of them read this blog. Don't worry. My big challenge has been how to honor them but be my own person. David's challenge is a lot more complicated than that.

I'd love to hear about your marriages either via comments or e-mail. It is always so encouraging to me to talk directly about what other couples are working on. Here's to 5 more years!

Happy Valentine's Day!

A Sneak Peak of The Lisenby Valentine's Day...

Make Valentines for all Thomas' friends using construction paper, ribbon, stickers, and pictures he likes...
Deliver the Valentines to his friends and blow them kisses.
Set the table for the week with a red table runner and heart plates received as wedding gifts.
Buy Tommy a book about trucks, a Hot Wheels car, and new stickers from Target to put on his plate.
Buy David a new game, really good chocolates, and write to him on a handmade card.
Have fajitas ready for dinner.
Call everyone I love and tell them so.

Total Cost= $20.00
Celebrating a fun holiday with the 2 boys I love most=priceless.

Resolution Update

Sorry for the lack of pictures lately. Our camera is broken, which means I am obviously lobbying for a new Cannon camera I've wanted for several months. We are thinking about using some American Express points to get it. I would be SO excited!

Here's how each of these resolutions is going:

1. Be less judgmental about how other people spend money, especially extremely wealthy people.
-We've had a run-in recently about what my MIL wants Thomas to wear to my SIL's wedding. The outfit total? $200. For a
16 month old to wear for MAYBE 3 hours. BUT other than this little rant I've kept my mouth shut and decided this particular
battle is not worth it.

2. Get up every week day by 6:30am.
-Surprisingly, this is going well. I'm exercising 3 mornings a week at 5:30, so I get up at 5am on those days and 6:30 on the
others. I think too much sleep is a total sign of depression and not feeling well for me, but I also get so GRUMPY without
enough.

3. Choose not to feel guilty about adding the career piece of myself back into my life.
-When Thomas was diagnosed with RAD I thought about dropping all my classes to be home with him, but I knew that
would not be good for me. Instead I dropped 2 and kept 3. I've really enjoyed my adult time on T/R mornings.

4. Go on more cultural dates with my husband.
-We had a great time in Chicago, especially going to the Museum of Art and to see Wicked. It's also been fun to get out of
our neighborhood and go visit my brother at his new house downtown. We had a fun time at his Super Bowl party. We
went to see 'The Kite Runner' and had a good discussion following as well.

5. Take pictures that help me create a story through writing.
-Again no camera, but I have done some creative things lately including designing gifts, rearranging furniture, and writing.

6. When I have the choice, make the more simple decision 60% of the time.
-This is the only resolution I am currently struggling with quite a bit. There are so many material things I want right now...a
new camera, a glider for Tommy's room, a fully loaded Honda Oddesey Mini-Van, hot jewelry and clothes to wear to Callie's rehearsal dinner, a tummy tuck, house cleaning, etc. I know making the simple decision is not just about buying things, but I get in periods like this one where I just want, want, want. I'm trying not to go through the Starbucks drive- through by our house and eat out, but I did buy Thomas new clothes and toys this weekend he doesn't really need. I don't really know how to measure this one. How do you keep things simple? I just know I'm not in a good place with this right now. I'm not going to buy any of those things except MAYBE the camera and some jewelry, but how do I move beyond wanting so much? Help!

I'm going to try to do a resolution update every month or so mostly to hold myself accountable to really working on these things. Did you have any resolutions? How are they going 6 weeks in?

Boo to the Breathing Treatments!

I talked to the Dr. after wrestling my son to the ground in the middle of Target yesterday. Thomas found this train in the toy isle and wouldn't let me put it back. We wiggled out of his TIGHT cart strap to grab it off the shelf when I answered the cell phone. Sneaky little guy. After what seemed like an hour of tears and screaming, I let him keep it until we got to the front to check out. By then he threw it on the floor seemingly telling me something such as, "This toy sucks now, Mom! I want to GO HOME!" It turns out the steroid in the breathing treatments is causing most of this behavior. Would have been good to know when we were prescribed the treatments 2 weeks ago. Grrr.

On another note, my friend Anne introduced me recently to mindfulness and meditation CDs. I've listened to a segment each night before bed and LOVE IT. I love the idea of being present in the moment as it happens. This very idea has helped me so much to enjoy my moments with Thomas. Each smile, each hug, each moment to play. Learning to be mindful has also reminded me that I have a choice over my thoughts. They can be positive and spin toward a good place, or they can be negative and spin quickly to a bad place. By the way, has anyone ever read the book "The Secret?" I'm reading it for book club right now. I agree with some parts and fairly sharply disagree with others. Book Report to come.

New Year's Resolution Update also to come. For Lent this year I gave up staying up late. So far so good.

Terrible Twos Already?

Dear Other Moms and Flip-Flops and Chocolate Members:

Is it possible to start the terrible twos at 15 months? Little Thomas is having huge tantrums lately. I mean like throwing himself down on the floor and pounding his fists and legs kind of tantrums. I can't figure out if it is because he doesn't feel well, isn't eating enough, is tired, or is just starting to assert his independence more and more. This morning at the doctor's office a nurse said hi to him and he freaked out. His separation anxiety in public places is sky high right now. Any suggestions? I knew the little guy had a tendency toward the dramatic like his mother, but this is a little crazy. He is only happy eating goldfish while he watches Barney. Just a phase? And when does being up all night when he is teething stop? Other than this the kid is perfect, of course. I guess one other dramatic thing he does that is funny is say MMmmmm the whole time he is eating his fish. It's like he is telling me, "Mom, these fish are the greatest thing on earth. Thank you so much!" I know I am his first teacher, but how do you teach a one year old to take a chill pill when he gets pissed?

Sincerely,
Strung Out Mother of One

Butt Munch

I've been saying the above phrase extremely often lately. I'm not sure why. Perhaps it is that it is a fun thing to say. Butt Munch. Or perhaps it goes back to my 4th grade year when my brothers and neighbors and I started a club in our backyard tool shed. The only membership requirement was that you had to take a polaroid picture of your butt and hang it in the shed. Maybe it is the fact that I see Thomas' butt at least 3-4 times a day when I change his diapers. Here is the phase used in a conversation:
Adrienne: "I'm going to go buy a new recliner-glider chair today. I'll be putting $500 on the credit card. Ok?"
David: "No."
Adrienne: "If you love me you will want me to have a place to sleep when Thomas gets up 3x per night."
David: "No."
Adrienne: (under breath) "Butt Munch."
David: "What?"

I'm So Cool.

I'm feeling very scandalous right now. Flip-Flops and Chocolate is now officially racy. David tried to log on today at Panera and couldn't get on due to "inappropriate content." I wonder if it was the cuss words, the slut talk, or the womanly issues. I didn't know my writing was so controversial. Readers, beware!

Sick.

Someone in our home has been sick since October 1st. The only good thing about this fact is that I have received a ton of extra cuddles this winter. Oh and the 3 extra pounds I have lost from throwing up. Thomas was diagnosed this week with Reactive Airway Disease, which is similar to Asthma. He has been sick so much because his little lungs and airways get clogged with bacteria. He has to do breathing treatments 3x/day to try and clear things up. We are really hoping to get out of the woods soon and be healthy again.

She Was Almost Back.

I had a big scare this morning when I woke up and puked all over the shower. Even though logically I knew pregnancy was not possible (I had a period 2 weeks ago, we use dual protection, and we haven't exactly put too many cookies in the cookie jar since starting school), my mind still went straight to the thought. Thinking about being pregnant again brought a large range of emotions for me. Part of me was excited at the possibility of holding a tiny baby again and watching he or she grow as Thomas has this year. The other part of me was thinking the following thoughts:

"Ok now I officially remember what I felt like every day of my early pregnancy except since I never actually puked (just felt sick all the time) I never got the feeling of relief after it happened."

"I really want Jolly Ranchers to "settle" my stomach. Wait sugar is why you gained so much weight the first time."

"How would I ever take care of myself AND a very busy 14 month-old?"

"SH*&! I still have at least 3 pounds to lose before getting really fat again!"

"I'm going to look like a lard in Callie's wedding just like I did in Julie's!"

And finally, "David is going to FREAK out because if we deliver a baby before January 1, 2009 our insurance won't cover it."

So, while I know women have babies closer than 2 years apart all the time, I was grateful today when I puked for the second time all over the bathroom floor at my school and came down with a fever. I've never considered the stomach flu a blessing. I know now I'm not quite ready to go back to the dark side.

Big Bark, Small Bite

I was so excited last week to begin taking classes toward my Elementary Education certificate, which will allow me to counsel in the schools. I'm still very excited to have something outside the home, but I think I may have been a big talker about wanting time away from Thomas when in reality I'm becoming a softy. Thomas is going to an excellent school right by our house two mornings a week and has done terribly with the transition. This morning we both ended up crying in the director's office not wanting to leave each other. I guess I am learning that no matter how ambitious you are, how good it is for you to work outside the home, and how great you think school will be for your child it's still the hardest thing ever to leave your baby. I didn't know I had such strong mommy heartstrings!

New Year's Resolutions

I'm always one to ease into transitions, including the new year. It takes me a few weeks to get my feet on the ground and in a new schedule before settling into a rhythm. I always have to think about what my resolutions are going to be for a few weeks too. In grad. school we had to pick one thing to work on/practice/learn about and design a learning contract. I'll let you know if I unpack these further in that way as we go along. So here we go:

1. Be less judgmental about how other people spend money, especially extremely wealthy people.

2. Get up every week day by 6:30am.

3. Choose not to feel guilty about adding the career piece of myself back into my life.

4. Go on more cultural dates with my husband.

5. Take pictures that help me create a story through writing.

6. When I have the choice, make the more simple decision 60% of the time.

My fruit of the spirit that I am going to focus on/read about/try to live out this year is faithfulness. Now that I've stated all of these to blog readers, I better get busy and go to bed.

Update.

This check-in is going to be in bullet format, just like my dad writes letters.
1. Christmas: All the traveling went well. We were sick before and after. Thomas' favorite present was a ping-pong ball to put in his mouth (the whole thing). He also got a tricycle and a wagon he likes quite a bit. He isn't into wrapping paper at all yet, but he is really into babies. He met David's newborn cousin in Houston and has been going up to babies ever since. David says this means he needs a sibling. I like to tell Callie it means he needs a cousin. The trip only had one disagreement with the in-laws. Again, progress.

2. Weight-loss: Status quo. No ups or downs during the holidays. I'm going to Jazzercize 3x/week and using a new software I like called Calorie King. Holding steady for now...still hoping to lose a little more by Callie's wedding in March.

3. Career: I start my classes next week. I'm excited because getting this particular certificate will allow me to counsel in the school districts. I'm not sure how long it will take me to finish up, but at least I'm working toward a goal. My brother Paul was transfered home over the break, and I've been working for him. He and my dad have to give gifts once a month to all their clients, so I put those together for them. In fact, let's take a little poll: What are some of the best gifts in the $25-30 range you have received? I'm looking for thoughtful, unique ideas that are easy to ship.

4. Marriage: David and I are going to Chicago this weekend. It will be the first time we leave Thomas for more than a night. We are so excited to get away. I realized over the break that I/We have never really grieved the loss of our freedom since becoming parents. We've both been afraid to admit that not being able to travel and do whatever we want to anymore is tough. With David home this month I have tasted the sweetness of saying, "I'm going shopping" and leaving...not having to plan it out and get a sitter and think about nap times. Maybe I am more selfish than most, but I've really missed that lately.

5. Church/God/Politics: We are still working on this. We want to make sure before jumping into another church that we know what we are looking for and what we believe. Our latest disagreement with the conservative right has been the role of women in ministry. The more I read scripture, the more I am seeing that men and women should be on equal ground. Many have asked me if I will be voting for Senator Clinton. My answer is absolutely yes IF Obama doesn't get the nomination. I like HIlary's platform, I like that she is a woman, I'm just not sure she is the RIGHT woman for the job.

6. Crushes: I'm still pretty hot on Ryan Gosling, although David got this new haircut that has been quite the head-turner lately.

7. Reading/Books: Just finished 'Shop Girl' by Steve Martin. Pretty good. Definitely entertaining. Also read 'Irresistible Revolution' by Shane Clairborne. Pretty amazing stories on social justice. Now starting 'Lovely Bones.' Kind of freaky at night.

More later...

The Nativity Scene According to Thomas.

Each day lately when I pick up all the toys, I've noticed that the same things are always in the children's nativity scene we got from Grandma Nancy. Thomas very intentionally sets things up this way...

I so wish he was old enough to explain his choices to me. I'm thinking something like this: The football is a mountain backdrop. There was some construction going on around the manger, so of course there has to be a tow-truck. Joseph went out to get ice chips for Mary during labor in the red sports car. The puzzle piece is a bird flying through the air, and the block is the guest house where the wise men stay. The plastic orange donut thing represents a hot tub for everyone to chill in after their long journeys, and the angel and Joseph are guarding the "Baba" Jesus (who is always in the manger---the kid is a genius, don't you think?). All of the animals and the shepherd have to go in the basket below the scene because it's too cold to be outside, and Mary is hanging out behind the guest house cleaning herself off after labor. She's also probably gaining her composure, seeing as she just gave birth to the Son of God and all.

Merry Christmas!

Yummmm.

Just so there are not any secrets between us, I admit that I LOVE Taco Bell. I eat there about once a week. Even after looking up the nutrition information I still go there once a week and just order less. Nachos Bell Grande at 750 calories without sour cream...Yum.

I Laughed.

It's amazing how many of these things I've already heard myself say.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RxT5NwQUtVM

Grrrr...

In case you didn't know, all Drehers (my maiden name) have an arch rival. The rivalry usually begins in about 2nd Grade when a classmate starts to stand out and receive recognition more than the others. Drehers are intense, and did not like sharing the spotlight, thus they declared war for the remainder of the childhood years. Because all three Dreher children are pretty much average in every way, the arch rivals always won in the end. But I must say we put up a good fight.

My arch rival began to emerge in early elementary school as smarter, faster, more coordinated, and more popular than me, with my chubby little legs and awkward tinted glasses. In middle school and then high school she was skinnier, prettier, and again more popular. We competed for Homecoming Queen, Class President, Valedictorian, and Varsity Cross Country...all of which she won. More on arch rivals to come...

Season's Greetings!

It has been really fun for me the past few years to start some of my own holiday traditions. One of the traditions I've attempted to begin in my family is the phrase, "Season's Greetings!" I have a jingle bell that I keep in my pocket at Thanksgiving Dinner. As soon as the meal is over before anyone starts to clean up, I ring the bell under the table and say, "Season's Greetings!" This is the official start to the Christmas Season. While currently my brother and husband roll their eyes at this tradition, I'm hoping all the kids in my family will one day be excited each year when they officially hear the bell and know the season has begun.

Some other traditions we have are: always hanging mistletoe in our home for David and I to make-out under, setting up the tree Thanksgiving weekend (notice how all the ornaments are on the top half this year for you know who), and setting up my collection of nativity scenes in a unique way. This year's featured favorite is the one above given to us by David's Aunt. It is very colorful and detailed. I love it and just found the rest of the pieces I needed at a store close by to complete the set. This particular scene is not the one that Thomas is allowed to play with, especially after finding his velcro Baby Jesus out of his Christmas Story book in the fake gumball machine, in Norman's Mouth, and thrown down the stairs this week. He also likes to put his "Baba" in his wagon and pull him around. What are some traditions you have tried to get off the ground? I hope your heart is light this month. Season's Greetings!

Then and Now

Man I had a fat face and a bad haircut for awhile there. Don't let me ever cut my hair that short again! It looked good when I first did it as a skinny-faced gal, but pregnancy and leaving my favorite-ever stylist in Denver made things go really downhill. Scary. Here's a picture with some of my BFF's from grad. school at the 2 month postpartum point.

At least I can say things are looking up, although Thanksgiving didn't help things much. Here's a more recent picture you have probably seen of me before. As you can tell I'm really losing weight in all the right places. See the poll to the right to share your personal thorn.

Finding a Therapist

I was re-reading my post from yesterday and realized I wasn't very helpful as far as finding a therapist. And please know that my personal journey has been long and difficult. I have by no means arrived, and I don't expect "arrival" from others. BUT, if you are my friend at any level deeper than talking about football I'm always going to encourage you every once in awhile to go talk to someone. Hopefully not in a pushy way, but more because I care about you and want you to experience what I have gained from having an outside perspective.

I can't help you pay for counseling, but I can watch your kids if you live around here, help you find a good fit in a therapist, and search for low-fee people if money is an issue. Plus, I've been trained to keep everything about the subject confidential, so it's not like you have to worry about me squealing on you. There you go, now all the excuses have run out. Now if only I could find weight-loss therapy. :)

Nationally Certified Counselors (this is what I am) can be found by typing in your zip code on this website: www.nbcc.org

Look for someone that has an interest roughly in your particular issue-set even if you aren't sure exactly what they are yet. For me, I would look for words like "Women's Issues, Spiritual Direction, Career Counseling, Anxiety/Depression,etc." And don't worry if you don't know what you will say the first time you go. I sat through my first few appointments pretty much in silence with my therapist in Denver because I wasn't comfortable enough to talk. She asked me questions that finally got me rolling.

A Client of Mine

I've been thinking today about a client I had in Denver we will call Sarah. I met with Sarah for two years nearly weekly. She is in her mid-50's and is married with no children. Sarah did something that I've noticed it is hard for many people to do: she got help. She decided her life wasn't being lived to the fullest because of some emotional baggage she carried from her childhood. We ALL have emotional baggage from our childhoods. Yes, some people have 10 suitcases and some have 2, but we ALL have stuff swimming around inside us that needs to come out, be dealt with, and then packed away and shipped to a foreign land.

Most of the adults I know have never taken the step Sarah did. They assume they don't have stuff to deal with or maybe they just have fond childhood memories. They don't understand that un-dealt-with baggage seeps out of them and creates issues in their marriage, their close relationships, and especially their parenting. I've noticed lately that people over 30 and those of us from the Mid-West are particularly reluctant to seek help for emotional problems. In Denver it was kind of hip to be in therapy for a few years in your 20's. Not so here. And the sad thing is that those who are most reluctant to really digging stuff up and taking a look at it stand out like a Bronco Fan at a Chiefs Game. Their woundedness is apparent and sad, just like mine was in high school and college.

When I was training to be a therapist, David and I both saw a counselor individually once a week for a year. It was the best school assignment I've ever been given, and I consider myself a blessed woman that my husband was willing to look at himself too. The self-awareness and confidence that came out of that period has made us whole. Both as individuals and in our marriage. Throughout that year there were times where we were both angry with our parents, forgiving of our parents, hard on year other, tender with each other. The emotional spectrum was broad. But it was so worth it. My parents and a few of our friends have been on the same journey. I can spot a healthy person or couple a mile away. Unfortunately I can also spot the opposite.

Three years later we are still going strong based on what we learned about ourselves and each other in counseling. We have an incredible marriage. Yes, we still wound each other. Yes, I sometimes still get too mad and David gets too passive, but we are now AWARE where those things come from and able to face them head on instead of being blindsided. And as far as Thomas? We know we are going to mess up and pass on some unhealthy traits to him. But our hope is that when he is 25 and going through counseling he will be able to talk to us about it all and eventually grant us grace. It's much easier to grant grace to parents who have been on the journey and are willing to look at their faults than to those who haven't. We are headed back in for a tune-up soon, and it will be great to have someone objective listen.

Many have asked me if I think this kind of work can be done in a church. My answer is no. God made us whole people with physical, mental, spiritual, and emotional parts. Pastors are not trained to deal with the emotional parts of us, just like you wouldn't ask your counselor to also be your weight-lifting coach. The church can provide support to other parts of us, but it can't be a sole source of emotional support. A bible study where a leader asks how things are going for you is not the kind of work I'm talking about. I thought church and emotional work were one in the same for a long time. They are not.

So consider taking the step my client did. All the odds were against her: she is older, she didn't want to spend the money, she was set in her ways, she is from Michigan, and she didn't have tons of obvious baggage. But she took the step and sought me out. A year ago I received a letter from her stating because of her therapy she is now able to be more centered, at peace, and whole. I can say the same thing. Can you?

What I've Learned About Myself...Year One

Call me non-maternal. Call me a thinker instead of a feeler. Call me anti-gush. My son is one-year-old today, and I'm so relieved. I'm not very good at things in the first year. Transitions have always been tough for me. The first year of college I got depressed, my first summer of guiding I had no confidence, and our first year of marriage was BAAAD. I was hoping to dodge the bullet with the new baby transition. No such luck. But I have learned a lot about myself along the way. And the good news is I'm always better the second time around. Second year of college--awesome, second year of graduate school---one of the best years of my life. Second year of mothering? I'm already sensing a home run. Here's what I have learned in the midst of this crazy transition.

1. Especially in parenting, things are almost never going to go the way I plan them. Holding Thomas right after he was delivered? No dice. Breastfeeding? No pointy nipples, tongue control, or anti-reflux mouth. Trip to the mall without a poop? Not going to happen. Cleaning the house well every week? Yeah, right. Being the best stay-at-home-mom in the neighborhood? ha. And so, I must flex with my own plans. It's fine to make them, just don't hold on to them very tightly.

2. I'm a working woman. I've gone back and forth and round and round about this all year. I've been jealous of moms who were established in careers before having kids and could just switch to part-time. I've interviewed at a counseling job, Pottery Barn, Starbucks, done freelance writing, and applied at KU trying to make something work. I even tried ministry again in the hopes of finding some outside-the-home fulfillment. Very bad idea. But staying home full-time all the time? Not me.

3. With #2 being said, I now also know that I am a therapist. It's my calling, my passion. I don't want to work long-term as anything else. Sitting with others, working through things. I love it. Brainstorming new ideas. Gotta have it. Of course I don't want to be on-call, go into people's homes, and work strange hours, but if I can find something that is a good fit for our family I would be ecstatic, which is why I'm planning to take the classes I need to get my license in KS. I'm done waffling back and forth about it. I just gave them a non-refundable check. Oh and just so everyone knows where I stand, I believe every adult should be in counseling WEEKLY for at least one year of their life. I'm sick of hearing about people going to counseling once or twice to "fix" something. Everyone has issues, and going to talk to someone every once in awhile when they act up is like putting a band-aid on a gushing wound. Go more often for a long time and fix them at the core. Then go 6 times a year for tune-ups. Most people take better care of their cars than their emotional health, so don't tell me you are "in" counseling unless you are really going to dig up the roots. There is no stigma with me. It's painful, but so worth it.

4. I'm a 2, maybe 3 kid person, NOT a 3, maybe 4 kid person. Probably 2 since I hated being pregnant.

5. Unfortunately a lot of my confidence is tied to my weight. This is probably always going to be the case for me, BUT there are two things I can do to help that. #1. Excercise 3x per week no matter what. #2. Don't eat sugar. If these two things are in place, I tend to feel quite a bit better about myself.

6. I don't work well alone. I need alone-time, but I can't get anything done while by myself. It's unfortunate, but I have to have someone around to keep me focused. When writing, I have to have someone give me a deadline to get anything done. With house cleaning, David and I set the timer for 30 minutes and do what we can do. Without him I end up in some drawer deciding whether to keep or give away a green towel. I'm an introvert with completion problems. This is easily solved for me by cooking with friends, cleaning with David, and remembering that mothering is more about the process than the finish line.

7. I have to have women around me in my life stage that create a sense of belonging. I like being part of a group. My mom's group has been perfect. Book Club gives me a sense of belonging AND a deadline to actually finish the book. These groups cannot be a spiritual thing for me. I hate feeling pressure to belong to say, a bible study or a church, but I like being part of a creative writing club. Something about guilt for me there, I guess.

8. I need more mental stimulation than the average bear. My brain craves intellect, depth, and walking through complex relationships. I get jazzed by reading scholarly articles and Mental Health Journals. I'm excited when the conversation at playgroups turns from cheerios to in-laws. Call me a geek, but I'm sad this has been such a hole for me this year.

9. I must spend a certain number of hours per week creating. Writing, pictures, decorations, gifts. I feel a deep void if I haven't made time for this. It also has to be in my own space. Having my own studio has been huge for me. And I'm now feeling confident that creating is a hobby or side-thing, and doesn't have to make money or be my career.

10. I am much more comfortable as a slightly more conservative person in a liberal group than the other way around. This has seemed to come up over and over again for both David and I this year. Obama for President!

So why is year two going to be even better than year one? Because moving forward I know myself better and therefore am more at peace. Here's to being out of transition for awhile!

The Tommy vs. Thomas vs. Tom Debate

We love the name Thomas, which is why we chose it for our son. He is named after David's beloved grandfather. There has been a big debate in our families about what to call him. In Kansas, where things are less formal, he is called Tommy. In Texas, where everything is over-the-top, he is called Thomas. At home he is called Bubba. The poor kid is going to have a huge identity crises soon. This morning his Parents As Teachers educator asked if he responds to his name. We laughed and said we aren't sure. We know eventually he will be Tom, but we are holding out on the Thomas or Tommy until 6th Grade. And while it's fine with us if family and close friends call him Tommy, when he goes to school or even Kid's Day Out this Spring he will be Thomas. So there you have it. You can call our son Thomas or Tommy for the next 11 years. Bubba, Tommy Sam, and Tinkle Factory are all reserved for parents only. Sorry. Isn't it cool to get to name someone though? Oh and Norman just whispered in my ear that he is ready to be called Norm, not Normie anymore. He's a big boy now.

Creative Projects As of Late...

1. Thanksgiving Cornucopia with gords and corn from the Pumpkin Patch and real fruit. Cornucopia= $6 at Pier 1
2. Framed Watercolor of Thomas' Favorite Outfit painted by an artist in Hutchinson, KS my aunt knows. She gave us the painting for his 1st Birthday Gift. Very special!
3. My own Studio! I had my own space to create in Denver and had been really missing it here. My wonderful husband painted this spare room in the basement and helped me arrange furniture so that it can be my own place to go and create. I am such a spatial person that when I walk in here I feel free to tune everything else out and work on projects. David and Thomas know not to bug me when the door is closed to the room, and Norman isn't allowed in there.
4. First Birthday party favors and decor. More on this to come, but Tommy Lisenby is turning one just a week from today! We're having a Barnyard theme party complete with animal decorations, costumes, and decorations.
5. The baby book...finished just in time for the 1st Birthday Party. I'm now excited to go digital for the years to come and hire my friend Crystal, who has her own business making digital albums, to do our albums for us.

Cousin Tribute

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY COUSIN! Carolyn-I forgot to write down your new e-mail address, but I know you read this blog. Have a great day today! For those of you that don't know her, Car-Tot has been one of my biggest creative inspirations. She and her husband, Philip, live in Sydney where they both work in the art industry. C and I used to run a hotel together called C&A's. Our services as 9,10,11-year-old girls included cooking, light cleaning, and mints on the pillows of our grandparents. We also had evening violin and flute concerts and matching hotel uniforms. Our fees for staying in C&A's wonderful suites were very reasonable: All of the change in our grandfather's money dish. :)

Other creative endavors with C include taking pictures on the Konza prairie, experiencing Wilderness Ranch together, learning how to play poker, gin, and bridge by Grandmother Dreher, burying a time capsle, fighting for territory in the woods with the Macy boys, pulling Great Grandmother's wig off, and getting matching 80's boomboxes for Christmas. Carolyn has a unique way of looking at the world that should be celebrated today. She has given us the most unique and thoughtful gifts we've ever received including Austrailian wind chimes, photographs of loved ones, a Joey Kangaroo, a unique collection of Austrailian Children's Classics, and a bugaboo hat. I'm pretty sad that Thomas won't have a cousin close to his age to share memories with like I had. According to Uncles Paul and Conor, Dreher cousins are at least 10 years away.

So here's a blog toast To My Cousin Carolyn---To another 28 years of creative energy!

Ass Whoopin'

I got a little trip to the ass-kick-atorium by 3 people about my last post: my mom, David, and Cristy. After contemplating their words I'm ready to quit bitchin', accept what God has given me, and move forward. So today I'm going to take my son for a walk around the park, proudly wear my best-fitting inbetween jeans, do my hair, wear a shirt that looks good on my body type, put on some funky jewelry, not eat more than one piece of Halloween candy, and make the best of it. I'm going to keep working toward my goal but also celebrate how far I have come and be grateful. And I'm done comparing. Tell me if you see me doing it. I have great eyes, hair, waistline, boobs, and legs. It's time to start focusing on those things and forgeting about the rest!

And by the way I'm moving my goal of being in the 120's back to March. And if it doesn't happen by March I'm letting it go for good. I've put so much pressure on myself the past few weeks because I stupidly set the deadline at the 1st Birthday mark. So my body takes longer to lose weight than most. Who really cares besides me? It's all becoming too much of a distraction to my true mission right now: to be present and love a little boy that probably likes it more that his mommy has a little chin fat to grab and shake. :) So new plan is 129.5 by my sister-in-law Callie's wedding on March 15th. That would be one year from when I started working out again anyway. And in the big scheme of things---not that bad. Sorry for my obsessive nature about this whole topic. I really am working to move past it and hope for baby #2 I have a much better perspective.

Weight Loss Update

Here's the only picture I've allowed myself to be in as of late. Getting closer...although I'm stuck again at 136.5. So sad. I've thought about doing something extreme before Tommy's Birthday like not eating carbs or fat, but I know I can't maintain that and will feel like crap for the next few weeks. And so I continue my quest to be balanced and reasonable and lose exactly 7 more pounds to be back in the 120's. Funny how it only took me about 2 weeks to put on 7 pounds while I was pregnant, and it will probably take me 4 MONTHS to get it off now. And PS-I'm kind of pissed lately at all of you ladies who gain weight in your legs and arse but not on top. I'd rather have a huge butt than gain all my extra weight in my face, arms, and boobs. If anyone wants to trade just let me know. At least you bottom heavy people can take good pictures even when you are at your worst. Jackasses.

Are You a Blog Slut?

This is a little shout out to my buddy Amy who apparently NEVER posts blog comments. I thought maybe a personal tribute to both Amy and her crush, Ryan Gosling, might force her to move her mouse to the comment link. I also have to admit that I find Ryan Gosling VERY attractive. He looks just like David, don't you think? :) If you, like Amy, are just using me for my musings but never post comments consider yourself a blog slut. Don't deny it. You come to this site, read all the thoughts of my imagination, but don't commit to really help me on my questions and therefore are just using me. I'm not fond of being an indirect pimp.

Question

If you have to pin your son down with both arms and then wrestle him until you are dripping sweat while saying, "You WILL be a lion for tonight's party!" does it ruin the spirit of wearing a costume? Happy Halloween!

Confessions of an Average Woman

I watched a so-so movie called 'Catch and Release' a few weeks back. The storyline and acting were lame, but the music and setting was great. There is also one scene that has stuck with me. Jennifer Garner admits to all the bad things she has done that no one knows about, like stealing library books. I think my confession list would look something like this:

1. Sometimes even when I smell a poopy diaper I pretend like I don't so David will have to change it.

2. I have a secret addiction to buying mid-sized bags. Not purses, but mountain-type day packs.

3. I'm starting to come to terms with the fact that I got the wrong Master's Degree. I should have gone to art school and done creative writing. I am afraid to tell my husband and parents (who helped us pay for the counseling degree) that I look at the Kansas City Art Institute website drooling about once a week.

4. I think I might end up being an Episcopalian even after making fun of my parents and grandparents about their faith being boring for the past 10 years. I confess that I now love the tradition of the Epsicopal Church and David does too.

5. I have little white-head zits all over my arms that I pop before I go to bed.

6. I've lied about my weight on my driver's license in 3 different states: Kansas, Texas, and Colorado.

7. Everytime I bake something I say it is for David but really it is so I can lick the bowl.

8. I'm almost always 10 minutes late to kickboxing with my mom. As I walk in I usually mutter something about Thomas not getting his nap or fighting getting dressed to come, but really I am late because the class is too hard for me and I'm embarassed that my mom is in better shape than I am.

9. In 6th grade I lied and said that I didn't call Adam Carey a "penis wrinkle" on the playground, but I actually did.

10. Also in 6th Grade (bad year) I skimmed a book in the car on the way to school at least 5 times and added it to my reading list so I could beat Katie F. in the "Most Read Books" contest.

11. I've always wanted to smoke pot and even confessed this to David and friend Kari when I was on painkillers one time.

12. Sometimes I wonder if I was/am too young and selfish to have a baby.

13. Sometimes I don't want to have any more babies because I don't want to go through the whole weight-gain/loss thing again.

14. There is a woman in our church that I can't stand. She bugs the hell out of me. I avoid her at all costs, but when I got trapped by her last week she told me we looked more rested as a family, held up her hands, and said "Praise God." I didn't know we were tired.

15. This is one of David's (I don't think he reads this so we'll see if he minds). David used to plot to kill our old neighbors in Denver. He literally would think of ways to kill them (such as poison) because they were so annoying to him.

Five Big Mistakes...Still Inspired?

A few people have told me recently that my blog is inspirational to them. I have a love/hate relationship with this idea. I love it because I need quite a bit of inspiration in my life and am glad I can provide that for others. I hate it because after you hear about the past 12 hours you may not be inspired anymore.

6pm: It is decided that Thomas and I will not be going to the cabin with my parents for the rest of the week because T has a fever and bad poops. I am disappointed to not have the chance to get away and breathe the Colorado Fall air for a few days. Due to this disappointment (I think) I decide to make brownies (really for David, right?) and decide that because I did so well at WW this week I can have a few licks of the batter without writing down my points. A few licks turns into many licks and suddenly I realize that I've eaten 10 points worth of brownie mix, which is almost half of my daily point allowance. Crap.

Licks= Big mistake #1.

1:30am: Thomas is up with his teeth hurting and the brownies allure me toward them asking me to just take a nibble. A few bites as I make a bottle and find the Tylenol leave me feeling wired as I try to fall back asleep.

Nibbles=Big Mistake #2.

4:30am: Thomas and I decide to get up for the day after several off and on attempts to get back to sleep. I am hungry and frankly don't see another option than the brownies. One more 2 inch square in the belly. Thomas and I do the laundry together and I cuss 31 times in a row after realizing I put my only well-fitting bra in the dryer. Yes, there is a strong possibilty that my son's first word could be "CrapBag." Not getting out cereal,

Cussing=Big Mistake #3

As I am doing the dishes from last night I see a poof of yellow dust out of the corner of my eye. My little engineer has figured out how to open dry mustard and has spilled it all over the carpet. He is laughing at the magical fairy dust on his clothes, but I say a few more crapbags as I go get the vacuum. I also decide to write a mean note to my husband telling him to do his own dang dishes at night and to please take the brownies to school with him, as if it is his fault I've eaten so many. The Costco box of mix, the brownies themselves, and the note are set on the stairs where he will see them promptly upon awaking.

Mean note, leaving the mustard out, and buying the never-ending box of brownie mix in the first place=Big Mistake #4

At this point I'm feeling like poo about myself and drink some water and decide to go for a walk to try and rectify the brownie situation. I evaluate the status of the strollers since Baby Tom is still crawling around in circles at a high rate of speed on search and destroy missions. We have THREE strollers. ONE baby. THREE strollers. None of them are available for a morning stroll. Stroller #1 has a flat tire. Stroller #2 is in the trunk of my car, a vehicle to which the keys cannot be found. Stroller #3 is at my parents' house. I go find the hiking backpack and put the squirmy little monkey in it as we head out the door.

No organization regarding strollers or keys=Big Mistake #5

It is 5:30am, and knowing that sometimes other people with kids are also up at these strange hours I decide to walk by all my friends' houses. I need another woman to dwell in my woes with me. There are lights on at Angie's and Tiffany's from church, but I decide I don't really know them well enough to knock on their doors so early. I trek on to Allison's as Thomas pulls my hair over and over again squealing at the top of his lungs to wake the entire neighborhood up. On the way to Cloudville I start to get very tired and overwhelmed by the hair pulling and exhaustion from running only on brownie fuel. I decide that since it is almost 6:00 it's ok to knock on Allison's door and tell her what a terrible person I am for eating so many 2 inch chocolate squares. But as I walk up to her house and there are no lights on I am confronted by the idea of Kevin in his underwear as well as the fact that Allison has 3 kids and is thinner and more organized than me with one kid. I've climbed into bed with Al in the past but probably shouldn't do so with her husband in the bed and a backpack/baby on my back. I decide against waking up all the villagers in Cloudville and press onward around the corner. The last person I know on the route is my friend from 8th grade basketball who doesn't have any kids. Since I have only seen her at the grocery store a few times since moving back to the area, I decide waking her up is not an option.

When we get home I am relieved to see that David is still in bed, and I cross out the mean part of my note about the dishes. I keep the part about taking the brownies away and add some Oreos to the pile that I know will be my next temptation. I resolve to go to the grocery store this morning and stock up on healthy options. I post this blog, realize it's not too late to start my day over, and go back to bed, hoping for a fresh start around 8 or 9am. Goodnight.

Skinny Jeans Here I Come!

I just got back from my Weight Watchers meeting and lost 3 pounds! Yahoo!! So this means 4 pounds down and 6 to go until the potential pre-pregnancy jeans fit. I only have 6 more weeks until Thomas' First Birthday, so I'm hoping for at least pound a week. If anyone wants a box of Costo brownies that have been a huge distraction for me, let me know. A brownie is 5 points!

WARNING! ADULTS ONLY!

This afternoon I was feeling sorry for myself on our new tight budget and really wanting to pay someone to do some yardwork David can't get to and clean our house (because I sometimes spend more time feeling sorry for myself then just cleaning the stupid toliets). So I found myself on Craigs List looking at options and found this:

I'll clean your house for FREE ladies!! But there's one little catch..

I'll perform light house-cleaning, absolutely free, although only under the following guidelines:

1. I work in the nude

2. Only adult females may be present during my visit

3. I don't expect sex, I just have a fantasy to do this.. and you only live once, so....

4. No pictures

* I'm 26, attractive white male about 140lbs and 5',9"

Oh, it's 8-inches ...just in case you're wondering.

Here were some of my initial thoughts...(just to be totally honest here). "Dang, this guy is skinny!" and "8 inches...I wonder how long my husband's wazoo is?" and "I wonder if he is a good cleaner."

So there you have it. I'm going to go clean the toilets now and try to get over the hump of desire to have someone else do it.

One Pound Down/Mom's Club/De-Cluttering Questions

I went to my 2nd Weight Watchers meeting last night and after Tara's 5.5 lb. weight loss in ONE week I couldn't help but have high expectations. I lost one pound and was disappointed until I talked to the more experienced WW women in the meeting. Apparently I made some pretty big rookie mistakes...

1. First of all, they said, never wear jeans to a weigh in. Jeans weigh at least 2 pounds.
2. If I really want to see results, come in the morning having eaten nothing, with a tanktop and shorts on.
3. Never eat dinner before your weigh in. (I was hungry!)

So I'm hoping these tips will get me a 2 lb. loss next week, and I'll be back on my way into the 120s. Oh and just in case you are wondering, I do plan to post my progress every week until the Cabana Boy party. It keeps me motivated to have to share.

On another note, I went to my first mom's club meeting last night. We played Bunko in at least a $750,000 house. I was the youngest mom there by 5-6 years. Most of the women went to schools like Duke and had high powered careers before having kids. Hmmm. Frugal Fiona, De-cluttering Diane, and Weight Loss Wendy was a little out of her element in her K-State t-shirt and 10 year old jeans she was really proud to fit into for the evening. There were at least 2 moms there that are probably a little more my speed. And of course I love the sorority feel of the whole experience. I was basically rushed last week. I will keep going in a quest for new mommy friends and hope to meet at least one or two women that will understand this blog, value education, and desire creativity in their lives. And I'm hoping to meet someone with a little cultural flare too.

De-Cluttering is starting to get more grey than black and white. It really is awesome to have LESS. I can clean up my whole house in about 15 minutes now and picking out an outfit is nothing after streamlining my clothes. I have some questions for you guys about a few items I can't decide about. I'm getting down to the nitty-gritty details.

1. Ice-Cream maker---keep or sell? My mom had one when I was a kid, and I really liked it. It's frugal, but everytime I've tried to use it the ice-cream tastes like total crap and we end up throwing it out.

2. Waffle Maker-will I want this when my kids are 10 on a Saturday morning?

3. I've given away TONS of books to the library book drive, but there is a stack or two I can't decide about. How do you decide about books to keep or toss?

4. Candles. I just have so many, and love them, but I can't really light them while Thomas is awake because as a boy he is drawn to fire.

5. Things I bought for comfort during pregnancy. A body pillow. A foot spa thing. An aqua jogger. All used 2-3 times, but will I want them again when I'm huge?

I've already decided to keep a couch,desk, and patio furniture I thought about selling, but to let go of a few more small things that were collecting space instead. I've also decided to keep all baby stuff even that Thomas didn't like for number 2 just in case. And speaking of my young lad, I usually save stuff about him for Life With the Lisenbys, but I couldn't resist a quick shot of him on here. This is about as far as we get in the getting dressed department most days.

Some Sunday Night Thoughts

These are my Sunday evening thoughts in random order. Read at your own risk. This post contains 2 cuss words.

1. We've been tossing around the question lately about whether churches should be part of a denomination. We've gone to both kinds and see pros and cons to both sides. The pro-denomination side would be the accountability and structure the leadership has since they are part of something bigger than just their own congregation. The con would be some denominations don't allow for the freedom and creativity of thought that you find in non-denominational churches. What has your experience been? Thoughts?

2. Frugal Fiona is still doing well although she did keep her Curves membership. They wouldn't let her out of the $36 a month without a doctor's note which Fiona could not come up with. It is probably good for her to be doing weight training along with her other gym too, if she can make herself get there twice a week. And that is a big IF right now without childcare. Fiona is still selling a few things on Craigs List, but her husband did have to reign her in a little to not be extreme.

3. I'd like to post this headline in a newspaper for SAHMs: NEW MAGICAL CLEANING TECHNIQUE FOUND! CUTS TIME AND EFFORT IN HALF!...HAVE LESS STUFF! This really has been true for me. It is so much easier to clean and for the house to look clean really quickly now that I've gotten a better handle on clutter and have let go of just a few pieces of furniture that I didn't like that much anyway. And those damn trinkets. I hated dusting those. Solution: only save the ones you love and give the rest away. Last thought on clutter: Why do I have 23 bath towels? 23! I think I'll be going through those tomorrow.

4. Weight-loss stuff is going better, I think. I started Weight Watchers again this week (not very frugal, but so worth it if it helps). I've been drinking more water and eating less fat. And I like the points system. It helps me feel like I'm in control about what I'm eating, and I'm not putting anything in my mouth without thinking twice. I'll be curious to weigh in on Tuesday. And the great thing is that my parents are watching Thomas on Tuesday evenings while I go to my meeting and then to a new Mom's group that I joined last week. It's called Mothers and More and has a great chapter here. More on that later.

5. It has been suggested that I give my size 2 pants and small tops away by Tommy's First Birthday if I'm not close to back in them. The idea is that women who have had children probably just are not going to fit in size 2s anymore and my boobs are probably not going to go into size small tops. It some ways this feels really good to think about just letting go of the idea and being ok with my body being different, but in other ways this seems like giving up. Those of you who have had children, what do you think? And those of you jackasses who can fit in a size 2, I may have some really hot jeans for you in November.

More to come...A

Stuck.

Dear Friends,
Ok so the weight loss was going really well all summer and since actively trying starting in March I've lost 26 pounds. I feel really good about this, but the problem is that I still have about 9 more to lose before my clothes (especially tops) fit again. I know women don't usually do this, but I think it is time to talk numbers. I'm sure you have figured out by now that modesty isn't exactly something I value very highly. Here are the stats:

High School Weight: 128
College Freshman Weight: 148
Normal College Weight: 135
Wedding Weight: 122
Lowest weight since 6th grade about 2 years ago: 118 (I've let this idea go, but this is the one and only time I was wearing 2s)
Pre-Pregnancy Weight: 130
Current Weight: 139.5 was hit about 2 weeks ago but not since.

Keep in mind that I am 5'4" so any flux of about 6-8 lbs. is a size. Also, I might as well admit in case you don't know me that I have been described by my oh-so-loving-brothers as a "Bowling Ball with Legs" meaning I am pretty top heavy and have short little legs and no butt. So right now I can fit into my size 6 pants (a little tight but not obscene) but small shirts may be a thing of the past. Unfortunately it appears that Thomas also has my body-type since he grows out of his shirts long before his pants and all his jeans are far too long.

So here is where you come in. I need your help getting these last 10ish pounds off by November 13th: Thomas' First Birthday. I've stayed right around 140 for several weeks now and am sad to admit that I've lost some motivation. But I really need to go for about 1lb. a week if I want to have my Cabana Boy Party coincide with T's Birthday. Will you push me on this? I need some accountability. I've thought about doing Weight Watchers again or a very structured diet like "The South Beach Diet" or Denise Austin's "Lose Those Last 10 Pounds", but for some reason I'm having a hard time getting determined about those. I workout 3-4 mornings a week and usually have a weak spot in my eating patterns after dinner and around 2pm when I really want something sweet. For those of you that have had to lose weight before any tips/advice? If you are naturally skinny you may offer advice but it may not be noted.

Sincerely,
Every Rose Has Its Thorn in Kansas City

What Not to Wear

I found this great book at the library last week and have devoured it. For someone like me that has zero fashion sense it is very helpful. These tips combined with having my mother-in-law's personal shopper tell me what my color scheme is (red, brown, blue, and green) should make me look like hot breakfast even in sweats.

Here is what it said I should be wearing for my body type, which includes big boobs, big arms, short legs, and short neck. Doesn't sound like a very pretty picture, does it? But the book gives pictoral examples about why things look good or bad. I've already gone through my closet and put the stuff they say looks bad on me in a seperate section to possibly give away at a later date.

What I should wear:

No high neck, turtleneck, cap sleeves, and/or sleveless tops. Go with wide-open necklines, v-necks, and corset or rouge shape tops with 3/4's or flutted sleeves.

No boxy, shortwaisted jackets. Go with fitting through the waist and cut to the hip.

Never haltertops or speghetti strap dresses. Wrap dresses with 3/4 length sleeves look best.

Don't do a chunky knit, tight sweater. Go with a wrap, light-weight cardigan.

For jewelry, big bangle bracelets make my arms look fatter and chandelier earrings make my neck look longer.

To solve the short legs problem, don't wear cropped or capri pants (crap!), but do wear two layers of shirts and long skirts and jackets.

The other categories they help with (which thankfully did not apply to me) in case you are interested are: no boobs, big butt, no waist, flabby tummy, saddlebags, and thick calves and ankles. It's worth the read!

Calling Myself Fiona

I've been calling myself Fiona lately. There are really three direct reasons for this. #1: One time a kid in our old neighborhood told my dad he looked like Shrek. Let's face it. I look exactly like my dad. This makes me Fiona. #2: I really like Fiona. In Shrek the Third she is an example of a strong woman, not caught up in the throws of body image or materialism (she's an ogre with confidence), and appears to be a good mother to her triplets. #3 As a name, Fiona goes with the word FRUGAL. So really the full name I've been calling myself is Frugal Fiona.

Frugal Fiona has been hard at work trying to save money and simplify the Lisenby household since coming to the realization this summer that her husband is in school and she does not work. Watching the savings account dwindle has also encouraged her to make some big changes. Not buying things and getting trapped in the cycle of consumerism are difficult for Fiona, but she knows this is the next step for her in both her relationship with God and as a wife/mother. Here are some of the decisions Frugal Fiona has made lately:

1. Gone are the days of help with housecleaning, car detailing, eating out without a coupon, ordering drinks when eating out, and buying whatever comes to mind to buy. Fiona admits $200 mall trips and the things listed above.

2. The Lisenby's grocery budget used to be (embarassing, I know) $650 a month. That included formula and special dietary items. By shopping at 3 different stores to get their Loss Leaders, Frugal Fiona now has the grocery budget, including Hypoallergenic formula, lactose free food, and glutten free/low sugar products to $250 a month.

3. Frugal Fiona has switched gyms. As you will note in Fiona's picture she really needs to workout and knows belonging to some sort of structured gym is best for her. Curves cost her $36 a month and was approximately 5 minutes away without childcare. The church gym by Fiona's parents' house is $25 a month with classes, longer hours, and great childcare. Thank you to Fiona's buddy Kristin for help finding this place.

4. Fiona had a garage sale this past weekend where she made $175 off of stuff that was simply sitting around the Lisenby's home. She confesses she has not missed a single item she sold.

5. Fiona's husband has encouraged her to look into selling a few Pottery Barn items for more than she paid for them. If you didn't know Fiona used to work at Pottery Barn and got a little obsessed with purchasing things at 50-60% off. This week alone she has sold a chair she bought for $350 for $500 and has a couch and a few random items pending. The empty space in the basement has allowed Fiona's baby to make a fort out of a sheet in order to crawl in and out of it squealing several times a day.

6. Fiona has downgraded the Cable and Netflix services because she has rediscovered the Public Library. The Library, which takes 3 minutes to get to from Fiona's castle, has tons of movies, Baby Einsteins, books, and CD's to check out and is FREE. Total savings here: $25 a month.

7. Several returns have been made. Fiona bought some computer equipment last week that her husband already had in the bottom of a drawer. Total Savings: $100. Yesterday she took back a pair of men's shorts to Old Navy since her brother gave her husband 3 pairs of shorts he didn't want anymore. Total savings: $7.

8. Frugal Fiona has been wanting to buy a shelf for her bathroom to store towels on since her castle does not have a linen closet. She had been looking for awhile at Bed, Bath, and Beyond at chrome shelves that cost $80 and go over the toilet. Instead she refinished an entertainment center that did not sell in the garage sale and put it in the guest room closet. It has 2 shelves for towels and a drawer for washcloths. Perfect!

9. Fiona has finally taught herself to cook and has found some recipes that only cost a total of $2 to make on www.betterbudgeting.com. She is also cooking meals for her friends that work and making $40 a week.

10. This morning Fiona sat down to order an egg shaker from her baby's music website. She had noticed how much he loves the shakers in class and figured it was only $5.99 to order two. The idea then came to Fiona that she could make a shaker out of a plastic container, tape, and rice. Baby likes it just as much and Fiona saved $6.

11. Fiona has learned to decorate with items that have been given to her, not things she has to buy. For example, she has been thinking about a wall in her kitchen for several months. Instead of buying a picture, mirror, or something that has no sentimental value to her, Fiona has decorated with her grandparents' china, finding plate racks at consignment stores for $3 each. She replaced a mantle full of previously purchased Pottery Barn items with her Grandma's doll collection and her shelf in her room with her musicbox collection from childhood. All of these things were in boxes before, and selling the other items has made space for more valuable things to come out.

12. Finally, Frugal Fiona admits to completely falling off the bandwagon at Children's Place on the Plaza last week when she spent $38 on new sleepers and onesies for really no reason. Her baby gets many wonderful clothes from his friends Nick and Lou, so Fiona isn't sure why she felt the need to make these purchases. She also confesses to spending $20 on an unnecessary dress and shirt for herself at Old Navy later that day. As a final admission, Fiona has dramatically refused her husband's ideas of cutting costs about where she gets her hair done and having internet in the home. With these two things in tact, she will keep her composure and keep trying to tackle consumerism $1 at a time.

If you have any money saving tips, Frugal Fiona would love to hear them ASAP.

Shelfari

Hey check out all my favorite books on this cool new site my friend Allison taught me about. You can go on and see what your friends are reading and what they rated each book. Only do this if you have some time though, because I swore I would only log on for 15 minutes and now I'm still sitting naked on the couch an hour later updating my shelf hoping Thomas doesn't wake up before I can jump in the shower. :) I can't wait to go to the library now!

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How Being a Stay at Home Mom is Like Guiding at Wilderness

I worked as a backpacking guide in the San Juan Mountains for 3 summers during college. When I started many more experienced mountaineers told me guiding would be the hardest thing I would ever do. Up until carrying a child, pushing him out of me, recovering from pregnancy, and then caring for a tiny person I would have believed them. The past 18 months have been much more difficult for me than guiding at Wilderness ever was. They do have their similarities, however:

THE TOP 15 WAYS BEING A STAY-AT-HOME-MOM IS LIKE GUIDING AT WILDERNESS:

1. Both experiences involve a lot of POOP. On the trail it was fart tennis, the biff, being constipated, altitooties, and the Hook. Now it is yellow, then green, then blue, then black, putting fingers in it and smearing it in hair, pooping in the tub, having a blow-out-the-diaper poop in the middle of the mall, and for me two toilets full of tar 5 days after labor.

2. BARF: the smell of puke used to really bother me. not after wilderness and not now. while it used to be holding girls' ponytails out of the way of the stream of vommit, now it is knowing that tommy is going to puke by reading his face and then cringing when he reaches toward me to be held while he throws up down my shirt.

3. No SHOWER for a few days? No problem.

4. Both experiences were/are very ISOLATING for me. I remember craving Mexican food, a latte, a trip to Target, or a movie by myself. All the same now. When I came home from WR in the falls going to the grocery store was like being in a foreign country. Also the same now. When we finally get out of our 5 mile radius long enough to notice people, colors, reality, and shapes, it is like a breath of fresh air.

5. OUTSIDE THE BOX THINKING: What do you do on the trail with 15 high school kids besides hike all day? Sing, play games, have contests, make up outrageous stories, give awards, have Christmas, go swimming, throw things off mountains, fully utilize a water-ballon launcher, tie knots, etc. What do you do with a 9-month-old besides look at each other all day? Sing, play games, have contests, make up outrageous stories, give awards, have Christmas, go swimming, throw things off the deck, fully utilize Baby Einstein and our exersaucer, tie knots, etc.

6. Both experiences have given me "glorious and inexpressible JOY."

7. WEIGHT GAIN: A good friend of mine recently told me that she did not gain the freshman 15 in college, but she did gain the Wilderness Ranch 15 each summer. I can totally relate. I came home each year with such strong legs that I looked like one of those mythical horse/man creatures. Also true with pregnancy although a more accurate description might be the "Statepuff Marshmellow Man."

8. CHAFFING: Both experiences unfortunately involve this. Not pleasant. At WR it was usually the top of my boots rubbing against my legs. Recently it is my chubby inner-thighs rubbing against each other on a post-partum walk/jog.

9. One time a friend asked me when I have felt the most BEAUTIFUL. My answer was about day 4 on the trail. Completely natural looking (including armpit hair), usually bonded with kids by this point, and aren't so bad you are craving a shower yet. I had the same feeling when we got home from the hospital and I got out of the shower for the first time. I looked in the mirror at my 2-day post labor body and couldn't believe how BEAUTIFUL it was. Knowing that I had given someone else life was indescribable.

10. GRACE: In both cases, a ton of this is needed for myself and for all the people trying to tell me how to do it.

11. LOST: More than once at WR I looked at my guide partner and said, "SH*#@@! We are lost!" David and I have said the same thing to each other as we navigate this whole parenting thing.

12. DIFFERENCES WITH DAVID: Most of you know that when David and I went on the trail together it was not a firework show of loving feelings. We are so different that we would argue quite a bit about which way to go, what to do next, how I was fun but not responsible, and how he was responsible but not fun. All the same disagreements have come up in having a baby (highlighted by me wanting to listen to Lyle Lovett during labor and him saying that might not be the most "centering" labor music). The big difference though this time around is that we are able to laugh at each other and celebrate the ways we are different b/c we compliment each other so much. David is the perfect dad for Tommy and I am the perfect mom. I wouldn't want to be on this particular trip with anyone else.

13. ALPINE STARTS: Getting up consistently at 3 AM is only something you only do on the trail and as a new mom. (I hope).

14. DEPENDENCE: Both times I have thought, "God I can't do this!" "I can't hike anymore today or deal with this annoying kid or be so isolated from reality" has changed to "I can't put my whole career on hold or change one more poopy diaper or not talk to anyone for one more whole day." I found dependence on God and more specifically the Fruits of the Spirit scripture absolutely imperative.

15. PEACE: When on the trail with kids I remember stopping every once in awhile in a beautiful place like Granite Lake and thinking, "I am doing exactly what I was designed to do right now." I'm getting there in being a mom too.

Great Weekend/Writing

This weekend was one of the best weekends I can remember. I feel awakened culturally and creatively! Friday afternoon I had cooking club, where Allie and I made casseroles, soups, and cookies for our families. We even branched out from our easy, practical menu and picked up ingredients for some Costa Rican dishes next week.

Saturday David, Thomas, and I journeyed on over to the Kemper Museum of Contemporary Art near the Plaza, complete with lunch at D'Bronx Deli. Thomas loved the big paintings with multiple colors and is learning to clap when he sees something he likes. Today (Sunday) our family outings consisted of going to hear my mom's band play, time to myself at Starbucks working on my sermon for next week, and dinner with friends from Spain. I love Paella! Yum. Thanks Dani and Belen for a wonderful meal.

Two other random thoughts:
1. Please pray that my grandpa passes peacefully and without pain soon.
2. I have entered some of my writing (children's books and personal essays) in contests. This was a big step for me as I usually shy away from claiming my identity as a writer. I don't care if I win, but I am hoping for a good experience that will encourage me to keep pursuing publication. Hope that I meet some helpful people that are willing to work with me to better my skills. Writing has always been just a hobby that I have enjoyed for myself, but it's time to start seeing if it will go anywhere. I wish I was as confident as Jane Austen (or Anne Hathaway playing Jane Austen in "Becoming Jane") when she says, "I will live by my pen." While making money via writing is a longshot for me, I do highly recommend the movie to any aspiring writers, creative spirits, or artists like myself. It's worth the $6 to go see in the theatre.

First Day of School

This morning David began his 2nd Semester of Graduate Work at KU. He is off to explore the depths of Literature written from the Spanish and Latin American perspecitve. We're so proud of you, Senor!

Book Review

I'd like to recommend this awesome cookbook for anyone who is culinarilly-challenged like me. My cousin sent it to me, and it has really helped to get easy, healthy meals on the table. I've also enjoyed my cooking club with my new friend Allie. We make 2-3 meals a week together while we talk. We trade off who gets the ingredients each week and pick recipies both families like. Both things have made cooking more enjoyable!

Creative Endeavors

When you live in a cookie-cutter suburb house you have to get a little creative with decorating sometimes. Most of you know that I really struggled with staying at home last Spring, which makes me a little nervous for David to start school tomorrow. In an effort to make staying home good for me, I've decided to do one creative thing around our house each week. These Mexican cabinet knobs I found in Taos this summer for $2 each. Something different to look at while I attempt to make a healthy meal each evening! Next week...Tommy's baby book.

Ticker Factory

This cool site I copied from Cristy. You can do tons of "tickers."

www.tickerfactory.com

To see my weight loss ticker click here:

An 8!

So, I worked really hard at the cabin and came home 7 lbs. lighter and into size 8s. I now have 15lbs. to go to get back to my pre-pregnancy weight and 20 to be at my wedding weight. I'm really hoping to get it all off by either Thomas' First Birthday or January 1st so I can have a Cabana Boy Party (so far I've recruited David, my dad, and Conor to be the boys although none of them are very excited about it). The party will include the unveiling of my pre-pregnancy hot jeans (although I hear these may fit differently even after the weight is off) and drinks served to all the ladies present by the Cabana Boys. While I'm pleased it is coming off, I can't believe how long it is taking and hear the last 10 are the hardest. As long as I can wear all my clothes again for 6 months before having another baby I'll be happy. And maybe next time I won't eat any sugar to avoid gaining so much weight in the first place.

Questions Answered From My Perspective

As promised, here's what I think about the questions I posted. I'd love to hear more thoughts if you have time.

1. Is the Bible meant to be applied to our current lives word for word or just in themes?
I would say just themes. Redemption, grace, mercy, etc. are all things God is about. Specific verses get too mumbled by the different people trying to translate. A good example is the verse from Proverbs "Train a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it." When we broke it down for a class project in seminary I discovered the most accurate translation is the idea of loving kids in the specific ways their personality receives love. This verse was not written to mean "make your kids be Christians so when they grow up they are just like you." The New Testament is especially theme-friendly, and it's pretty cool to look at how every book points more and more toward the idea of restoration.

2. Is it ok for women to have plastic surgery especially after they are done having kids?
I'm pretty torn here. I could see it being a great thing if you have a huge nose or something really strange, but I don't know if I think it is morally ok to change your body just for aesthetic reasons. I've always had chubby arms and have often thought about how great it would be to have about half of them chopped off, but I don't know that I could really go through with it. I will say that after having a terrible pregnancy (with great results, don't get me wrong) that really tore up my body I've definetely become more understanding than ever about the idea of getting something changed, tucked, or removed.

3. Would you ever consider being a surrogate mother? (This came up when David's aunt called and asked me this).
No. While it would be wonderful to give a life to another family, I couldn't go through another pregnancy unless it was for my own child. I really hope to only have one more pregnancy and then be done. We love the idea of adoption and don't want more than 3 kids.

4. Are men and women equal?
Absolultely. Different, but equal. It makes me so mad when especially married couples don't practice equality. Any complimentarian as**ho!* that wants to talk further just let me know.

5. Can you be a Republican and truly care deeply about social justice?
Yes. Some of the most generous people I know are Republicans. I do think it is rare to be as my cousin put it "staunchly" republican and have an awareness about the poor and oppressed. I also hate how James Dobson and his homies have characterized the Republican party to be only about abortion and Christianity. The Republican party has a ton more to it than abortion, which is why if I had to vote R for the next president I would vote for Rudy G. (But it looks like I will be voting for Hillary, sorry mom).

6. Should healthcare be nationalized?
Even as someone that has quite a few non-emergent health problems and could spend a lot of time waiting for appointments I think healthcare should be nationalized. Everyone deserves to be medically cared for.

In the Mountains...

For all of you faithful followers, my apologies for not posting lately. We've had a wonderful few weeks traveling. Many interesting things have occurred for me to share. We first made our way down to Galveston, TX for several days with David's grandparents at their beach house. Thomas loved helping to feed the seagulls and looking at the crabs we caught in the bay. If you are reading this, please say a quick prayer for David's grandmother, Trudy (GG). She is an exceptional woman who is currently battling cancer. David and I had the opportunity to share with Trudy and Tom how much we have learned from them, especially about marriage. They have been very inclusive and supportive of us since I entered the picture 6 years ago. My relationship with GG has meant a ton to me especially since my own grandmothers passed away 10 and 14 years ago. The trip was also a wonderful chance for both the Thomas Lisenbys to be together. They had fun sharing smiles on the back deck.

On Memorial Day weekend we made it all the way from sea-level to 9,200 ft. with only a few meltdowns from Baby Tommy. I think we have permanently ruined his former enjoyment of riding in the car. He hates his carseat now. Upon arriving at my parent's cabin in CO he had altitude sickness for 10 days. David's cousins were afraid of him after he threw up carrots all over them and then had a runny poop down his back. We're settling into a rhythm now, though, and have had a few adventures. We went to the Sand Dunes on the highest wind day of the year and had some friends from Spain come stay with us. Sharing a Spanish bota of wine and eating authentic sausage did not agree with my belly so well. Last weekend proved to provide some interesting discussion topics with my friends from grad. school who came down for a few nights. I'd love to hear you thoughts about the following topics (listed in random order):

1. Is the Bible meant to be applied to our current lives word for word or just in themes?
2. Is it ok for women to have plastic surgery especially after they are done having kids?
3. Would you ever consider being a surrogate mother? (This came up when David's aunt called and asked me this).
4. Are men and women equal?
5. Can you be a Republican and truly care deeply about social justice?
6. Should healthcare be nationalized?

I promise to share all my thoughts as you post comments. Right now I'm enjoying some water as I sit next to my friend Tara (whose Papa has a cabin out here too). We are using the internet at a place called the Candy Bean that sells toys. Last year it was a bike shop. Stores in small mountain towns sure change quickly.